One Man Scandal
* The scene opens up with Brooke and a guy sitting on a couch in the living room with the lights off and a blanket above them. They have some popcorn on their laps as the only light being projected is that of the tv. Brooke and this guy are snuggled close on the couch as Shawn is sitting at the top of the steps spying on them. It's been over a month since his break up with Hannah. Since then has has seen his daughter Valarie a total of nine days. He's been getting her on random days during the week depending on his schedule with SCW. During said time Shawn has patched things up with Brooke who has agreed to come back and live with Shawn. However during her time away apparently she gained a relationship with a guy in one of her classes. *
Shawn (whispers) Since when does Brooke bring guys home? I mean, ever since she moved out here never did I notice any guy ever come here. Is this her first? It can't be...this guy? Bryce...ugh, I can just look at you and know that Brooke is going to eat you alive. I mean just look at you. You're a damn photo copy out of an Abercrombie catalog. You look up the term tool in the dictionary and you're the first thing they show. What the hell is it that Brooke see's in you? Your frosted tips? Your two sizes too small t-shirt? Those cargo shorts? The sandles? Not to mention the dude wreaks of Axe body spray. COME ON BROOKE!
* Shawn said that a lil to loud as he hides behind the wall as Brooke and Bryce looked around. *
Bryce Did you hear something?
Brooke Probably just a loose board of something.
* Brooke knowing now that Shawn's watching her gets in closer to Bryce. Shawn peaks his head back around. *
Shawn (whispers) Oh come on...what the hell Brooke? I thought you had better taste then this. Like...girls. Oh my god I wish you liked girls. Our lives would be so much easier...ok my life would be so much easier. I mean seriously, what am I supposed to do about this? I can't let my sister fuck some dude who sweats Axe body spray. All Brooke is going to be is some notch in this guys belt at his frat. Oh god...no, no, no, no, no...no no...no...no no....no no no....no....no....Brooke is not fucking me.
* Shawn tries to get a closer look at the dude. *
Shawn (whispers) Ok for one...I was never THAT gay. Two...I never wore Axe body spray. Three...I was never a tool. A douche? Yes. A total and complete asshole? Yes. But I was never a tool. This guy is a complete fraud. Yet he thinks he's the shit. I mean...look at him. He's...he's...just so...fake.
* Brooke grabs a thing of popcorn right as a scene in the movie gets scary and Brooke throws the popcorn and wraps her arm around Bryce. Bryce smiles and pulls her in as close as he can. *
Shawn (whispers) Oh come on! That's a move if I've ever seen one! Brooke you and I both know you don't scare easily! Way to just throw yourself at the guy! Whatever happened to hard to get? (thinks) Then again when did a Winters ever play hard to get? To be honest we're quite easy to get. Boobs? Bingo.
* Shawn shakes his head remembering it's his sister he's talking about. *
Shawn (whispers) Damn it Brooke you were supposed to be the best of us. Damn it, I seem to have this ability to corrupt people. I seriously can't just stand by and watch as my sister just throws herself onto this guy. What if she ends up on those teen mom shows? Ew...fuck that I'd pay for her abortion. No way would I ever be the uncle to a baby tanning bed. Ok think Shawn...things like this are going to test my ability as a father. What if that was Val...all grown up...well...18...and about to fuck some douche on my couch. Oh shit on MY COUCH?!
* Shawn once again said something a little too loud as he hides again. Brooke and Bryce look up towards the top of the stairs. *
Bryce Ok, I'm pretty sure that wasn't a board.
Brooke Don't worry about it. This house is a piece of shit it's filled with old crap that make random noises.
* Brooke rubs her head right into the shoulder of Bryce as he lays his head onto hers. Shawn then peaks back around. *
Shawn (whispers) Piece of shit house? What the fuck? This house is a damn palace!
* Shawn looks on as Brooke and Bryce are about to start kissing. He panics and looks around for something. He finds a bone that his dog Shadow left on the floor. *
* Shawn then tosses the bone at them hitting the popcorn before hiding. *
Brooke What the fuck?!
Bryce Ok....seriously, did a dog just throw it's bone at us?
* Brooke turns at Bryce with a retarded look on her face. *
Brooke Seriously? No, a fucking dog didn't throw a bone at us from UPSTAIRS!!!
Bryce What was that woof then? Huh? Explain that Einstein!
Brooke I'd be more than happy to, all I'd have to do is walk upstairs and see if Shadow is up there. Which I would find odd considering...
* Brooke walks into the kitchen to see Shadow taking a nap by his food bowl. *
Brooke Shadow is in the kitchen!
* Right then Shawn gets up knowing he's caught however refusing to admit it. He casually walks down the stairs. *
Shawn Brooke what the hell? I was just up there reading and I'm hearing all this yelling? Come on, others live here too.
Brooke OH! Oh...don't you even try. You're coming down here to try and convince me that you didn't just throw a bone at me?
Shawn (smiles) If I had a nickle-
Brooke Is this really what you want to be doing with your night? Spying on me and Brian?
Bryce It's Bryce.
Brooke Shut up!
* Shawn starts to laugh a bit before Brooke makes him stop with her look. *
Brooke You too! What I do with any guy I meet is none of your business! I am a grown up Shawn and if I want to bring a guy here and watch a movie then damn it I'm going to. Hell...if I want to fuck said guy-
Brooke Ok seriously?! Every single word out of your mouth makes my legs close even further.
Shawn HA! Suck it bitch!
Brooke Oh my god...and you? What the hell? You've never had a problem when I brought guys home before? Why now? Oh wait let me guess...because for the first time in your life you actually don't have anything better to do. You aren't wrapped up in your own life that you ignore what goes on around you.
Shawn I know damn well what happens in this house. I'm not some sort of out of mind idiot.
Brooke Really? Because last I knew I left because of the drugs you were abusing. How much of that time frame do you remember? Remember anything I did in that time frame or was it all just you?
* Shawn is silent as he's not sure what to say. Because truthfully he actually doesn't remember. *
Brooke Exactly...you're trying to take an interest in my life now because you don't seem to have one.
Shawn You have no life.
Brooke Oh my god! It's like you're a damn child!
Shawn You're a child.
Brooke Really? Um just curious...who here has had sex in the last...hm let me guess a number...30 days?
* Brooke raises her hand as Shawn doesn't. In the background Bryce raises his. Brooke see's it out of the corner of her eye. *
Brooke Oh my god...you are a fucking door knob! Just leave...please I feel like your stupidity is contagious and that this entire house might need to be quarantined.
* Bryce lowers his hand slowly clearly said. *
Bryce But I thought-
Brooke You clearly thought wrong ok? Now bye bye...remember on your way home to not talk to strangers alright? K...thanks!
* Brooke smiles at him as he turns around and grabs his shoes and walks out the door. Brooke turns to Shawn whose smile quickly goes away. *
Brooke Shawn I'm not kidding! You need to go out and get laid! This thing you've been doing with the self pity and the heart broken crap...it's like you're a girl. Hannah dumped your ass...deal with it. At least now you have some closure with it. It's done...alright? So every minute you sit at home ruining my dates you're letting some underage drunk girl go UNABUSED! Now really? Do you want that? Because if you ask me it's damn near your job to teach these freshman girls the ropes in LA. Hell...find one of them aspiring actresses and bring em to an audition and bang em behind a Taco Bell.
Shawn Oh my god, what?
Brooke Stop! I'm not kidding Shawn. This thing that you are right now is damn near sick to look at. I mean hell, I felt bad for you like...the first week. But after that it just became annoying. You want to raise a child? Well then you need to stop acting like one alright? No...do the one thing that babies can't do and go out and get laid!
* Shawn stands there motionless for a second. He is seemingly contemplating things in his mind. *
Shawn You just want me out of the house don't you?
Brooke Noooooooope. That ship has sailed but yours could still dock in the harbor. Shawn the easiest way to get over someone is to get under another. You need to go out and screw somebody. My god...this has got to be the longest dry spell that you've been in.
Sadly that's not true. When Hannah first left me I acted like I was screwing chicks on the Greaternity bus because I couldn't get it up for whatever reason. God...I remember the money I had to spend to make them say that I screwed them. That was like two months...god I don't wanna become that pathetic again. Leave it to Hannah to screw up my sex life twice.
Shawn Alright, fine. I'll go out.
Brooke Good! It's weird not seeing my brother leading on some dumb girl into doing his every whim.
Shawn You're right...
* Shawn grabs his phone and searches through his numbers only for Brooke to slap it away. *
Brooke Nooooooooope! You're not going to call some girl you know juts to come over and fuck you. You're going to go out and find some new bitch.
Shawn What's the difference?
Brooke The difference is the idea of having to try! You've been lazy enough as it is...you need to go out and actually play the game. You don't need to call a Holly or a Miranda to come over and bang you for a night to get it out of the way, break ups don't work like that. What you need is the challenge of actually getting a girl.
Shawn It's just a lot easier if I just call Holly-
* Brooke slaps his hand again. *
Brooke No...unless...you think you can't find a new girl.
Brooke Shawn I get it...you're 31 now...even carton of milk has it's expiration date. At 31 that's probably yours. I mean sure...some random 6 might open the fridge and take a sniff and take a sip anyways but the days of you getting 10's is gone. You've expired.
* Shawn laughs off the claim. *
Shawn This? Expired? Wow, and here I was just beginning to think that you were smarter than me but damn are you stupid. I may be 31 but these baby blues and this rock hard body and this rock hard-
Shawn Yeah...so don't you dare say that I've expired! Damn it I'm Shawn Winters! The day I expire will be the day I die and even then I'll have girls lining up to get the chance to lay in my coffin.
Brooke I'm sorry, I must have been a bit premature on the subject.
Shawn Damn right you were. Now if you don't mind I'm going to go out and find me some dumb blonde with big tits with daddy issues and tutor her in the arts of pole dancing.
* Shawn smiles before walking right out the door. *
Brooke Oh my god he is such a sucker. You can come back in now!
* Bryce peaks his head around the back. *
Bryce You sure?
Brooke Yeah Brian, it's fine.
Bryce It's Bryce.
Brooke Ugh! If there's one thing my brother ever taught me it's names don't matter!
* The scene fades out. *
* The scene opens up showing Shawn Winters in a bar with a drink in his hand looking around at the potential one night stands which cross his path. He takes a drink of his jack and coke before running into Barney. To be honest Shawn didn't want to invite him but the truth is he kind of needed him in this type of situation. He wasn't going to call Ace or Ethan in the state of mind he's in right now and Adam, well Adam's off doing his own thing at the moment. So with Barney here Shawn can at least not worry about being tempted by drugs. Despite his annoying behavior he has actually kept Shawn clean from coke and pills for a while. *
Barney Oh my god this is like a dream come true! Out at a bar with my best friend Shawn and we're out browsing for some tail.
Shawn Please don't call it tail and also please don't say we. It implies that you're invited when I get laid.
Barney Right sorry, I'm just so over whelmed right now. I mean these girls look nothing like the girls I've been with lately. I mean these girls have like no boobs. I mean I have yet to see a lower back tattoo on any of them. Oh wait there's one!
Shawn That's because these girls aren't in porn. And the girls you've been with don't count when it's a tv and a flesh light.
Barney I'm not lying! Just the other night I was with this chick and we were getting really hot and next thing you know she has a pizza and we open it up and popping out of the box is her vagina!
* Shawn stares at Barney completely silent. *
Barney Ok...fine it was a dildo. Big too...and black.
* Shawn remains silent. *
Barney A nipple?