One Man Scandal
Shawn Winters

Easter Egg Hunt

I've been asked so many times in my career if I am truly happy with my life, with the paths that I've chosen. If I could turn back the clock and do everything over would I? In these last few weeks, mocking Christy Matthews that is, I have really thought long and hard about that question. People talk about the American Dream and what it means to them. To Christy Matthews I'm guessing it means the end of her life. For me? I've always dreamed of being perfect. Now have I always been perfect? Maybe, maybe not, it all depends on who you ask. If you ask my family? Oh no, I would be the farthest thing from perfect, that honor belongs to my brother Marcus. If you ask my first wife Angie? Nope not to her either, that honor goes to my son who I've been told is named Alex. If you ask my second wife Nora? HA! After what I did to her she's probably got psychological damage and wouldn't recognize perfection if it left a mark on her forehead. Does Hannah find me to be perfect? Nope, not really, she loves me for my imperfections. BUT, if you were to ask me, oh yes. I'm as perfect as God could have created.

So, through all of the trials and tribulations of my life if asked again right now at this very second: “If I could, would I change who I became in order to save those that I may have hurt in the past?” I would answer that question in a heart beat: “NO!” Because the truth is, I LOVE myself. I don't resent what I've become simply because others do, I am my own judge. Besides, without my past actions whose to say that my life wouldn't be so perfect right now? Someone once said that you have to walk through hell before you can reach heaven, well I'm in heaven right now baby. In my life I am surrounded by possessions that remind me of how perfect my life is and all of it's successes. Others like to look at things from a negative perspective like Christy Matthews. Instead of looking around and smelling the roses, she's trying to cut her wrists with the thorns of said roses. I don't see failure in everything around me like Christy does, and that's because I don't fail.

Friday - April 15th, 2011

* The scene opens up showing Shawn Winters' house in Los Angeles, California. Shawn is sitting on his patio outside with a margarita in his hand watching as there are numerous old people wondering around his yard. There are three white vans parked outside in his drive way with a few people in white jump suits seemingly standing guard as well as a police officer who is patrolling the area. Shawn takes a sip of his margarita as Hannah walks out and joins him with a margarita of her own in one hand and an opened box in the other. *

Hannah – I swear my father needs to stop sending me these gifts. I have like six sets of anal beads now.

Shawn – Ugh...sadly I think those presents he's been sending you are for me.

Hannah – Oh well in that case it'd be rude not to use them wouldn't it?

Shawn – You're really quite funny did you know that?

Hannah – So I've been told. So do you honestly think this is going to work?

Shawn – Why wouldn't it? I need 8 hours more of community service and I want to get it all done today so...

Hannah – You were supposed to go help the elderly. Talk to them, play chess with them, ya know...stuff that you normally wouldn't be doing like drinking.

Shawn – Hey, I'm helping the elderly alright. They're outside aren't they?

Hannah – Shawn, they're alzheimer's patients, I doubt this is their idea of fun.

Shawn – Are you kidding me? They're having a great time! I mean look at Gertrude over there! She's got a giant smile on her face! She's having the time of her life.

Hannah – Shawn, you know that this is just morally wrong.

Shawn – Morally wrong or brilliantly right? (smirks) Listen, look at this from my perspective. Would I really want to sit in a room hearing some boring ass story about a grandson or granddaughter who they're so proud of and hasn't visited them in so long over and over again because they've forgotten they've been telling me the same fucking story for the past 4 hours?!

Hannah – Shawn trust me, I get your point but this just doesn't seem right. I mean the only reason you set this up was to get in your full 8 hours without having to do a whole hell of a lot.

Shawn – I had to hide the eggs didn't I?

Hannah – That doesn't count as community service!

Shawn – It does when you have alzheimer's patients looking for them! Come to think of it, they hid the eggs themselves yesterday haha.

Hannah – This Easter egg hunt has to be one of the worst things you've done...

Shawn – Seriously? I've done five worse things this week. Just sit back, drink your margarita and enjoy the magic that is alzheimer's.

Hannah – What if one of them gets hurt? I mean seriously, it might not be safe for them out here.

Shawn – Where are they going to go? The entire yard is gated, plus they have nurses or doctors or whatever they are here to make sure that nothing happens to them. All they're doing is looking for Easter eggs. Come on Hannah, it's the holiday season, get in the mood!

Hannah – It's Easter Shawn, it's not Christmas. Plus, it's not even Easter yet!

Shawn – Well you don't need to be all Jewish about it.

Hannah – SHAWN!

Shawn – Oh don't get so upset about it, it's not like any of them will remember I said it anyways.

* Right then one of the old men walks up to Shawn with an empty basket. *

Old Man – Where am I? This isn't the strip club.

Shawn – Hahaha, you're at my house.

Old Man – Who are you?

Shawn – I'm Shawn Winters, it's alright to be in shock of my presence.

Old Man – I...I don't understand.

Shawn – Hey, if you find the most Easter eggs in the yard you win a prize. Maybe if you get enough eggs the prize will be your memory.

Old Man – Oh that sounds nice.

* Shawn starts laughing as the old man walks away. *

Hannah – You are just the worst type of person.

Shawn – Hey, you knew that coming into this marriage baby and you're still here because of it. (smirks)

Hannah – (laughs) So is that why your other marriages failed because they didn't know what they were getting into?

Shawn – That and they made the horrible decision in getting pregnant.

Hannah – OH MY GOD!

Shawn – LOVE YOU!!!

Hannah – So you're saying if I get pregnant you'll just divorce me then?

Shawn – If you can find a way to get pregnant without getting fat for 8 months than maybe I'll think about sticking around, but you'll have to dial down the crazy. I've heard pregnant girls can get pretty crazy around the 6th month.

* Hannah punches Shawn in the arm. *

Hannah – You asshole!

Shawn – (laughing) What did I say?!

Hannah – I should divorce you now just for making that comment.

Shawn – But we love each other don't we?

Hannah – Sadly I do...but for punishment we're using those beads tonight.

Shawn – And then you woke up!

* Shawn and Hannah look on as they see an old woman giving an old man one of the Easter eggs. She hands it to him and he puts it in his basket only to stand in one place. Shawn shakes his head in laughter. *

Shawn – Hank!...Hank!

* The old man turns around and takes a few steps over to Shawn before stopping. *

Shawn – Hank...question, if I were to tell you that if you found more Easter eggs than anyone else today that your wife would come and visit you tomorrow would you be interested?

Hank – Well...I have one. I forget where it came from though.

Shawn – Well then you're in the lead buddy, get out there and get some more.

Hank – Alright...

* Hank turns around and walks back out towards the yard only to give his Easter egg to somebody else. Shawn starts laughing. *

Shawn – That guy Hank, he's good shit. It's funny because he doesn't remember that his wife has been dead for 5 years.

Hannah – How do you know that?

Shawn – One of the orderlies told me some things about each “competitor” today haha.

Hannah – And you're telling him his dead wife is going to come back and visit him if he wins?

Shawn – You've got to motivate these people Hannah!

Hannah – You realize that this motivation is falling on forgotten ears. (smiles)

Shawn – Now you're getting it!

* Shawn gives Hannah a high five for the joke. *

Shawn – I've never loved you more than I do right now haha.

Hannah – My slow decent into laughing at the expense of others has begun but at least my husband loves me more for it.

Shawn – Way to look at the bright side babe. (smirks)

* An old woman walks up to Shawn and Hannah. *

Old Woman – I forgot where I parked my car.

Shawn – You didn't drive here.

Old Woman – But I just came back from the market with these eggs.

Shawn – You bought 3 eggs at the store?

Old Woman – Where did the other 9 go?

Shawn – You better go find them, I'm taking a wild guess and saying a lot of them are in the grass.

Old Woman – But I was going to make an omelet.

Shawn – Sure you were....sure you were.

* The old woman walks away with her basket of eggs in her arm. Hannah then turns to Shawn. *

Hannah – I'm going to go inside and grab another margarita, would you like me to top yours off?

Shawn – If you would.

* Hannah leans over and kisses Shawn as she grabs his glass and walks inside. Moments later the phone rings. *

Shawn – Babe, can you get that!!!

* The phone stops ringing. *


* Shawn grunts as he looks over his shoulder as he see's Hannah with a confused look on her face as she holds the phone to her ear. *

Hannah – SHAWN! NOW!!!

* Shawn pulls himself up out of his chair and walks into his house. He walks over to Hannah. *

Shawn – Who the fuck is it?

Hannah – You'll want to hear this.

* Hannah pushes the speaker phone button on the phone before dropping it. *

Shawn – Hello?

Voice Modulator – Shawn Winters, you haven't forgotten about me have you? I'm the person who sent you that heart felt letter weeks ago. Just thought I'd check in on my investment!

* Shawn quickly hangs up the phone. *


Shawn – Do you think that I'm going to talk to some cyborg?!

Hannah – Shawn that was probably a voice modulator!

Shawn – I knew that...

* Right then a phone starts to ring again. *

Shawn – Hannah go grab the police officer outside.

Hannah – Alright.

* Hannah runs out the back door as Shawn clicks the speaker phone button he doesn't say a word. *

Voice Modulator – It's not too smart to piss off the person that's threatening your life Shawn.

Shawn – I hope you know that I have policemen here tracing this call right now!

Voice Modulator – Don't insult my intelligence Shawn. I know that the Police Department didn't take my threat seriously. I also know that they stopped trying to find out who I was days after I sent you the letter. That officer there is simply there to make you feel better. He's probably no more than a rental cop.

Shawn – Who the fuck are you?!

Voice Modulator – Oh now that wouldn't be too fun now would it. However we could play a little game. I'll answer a question from you if you answer one from me. Would you like to go first?

Shawn – Who are you?!

Voice Modulator – Oh you probably don't even remember me considering all the lives that you've ruined over your life. Now my turn.

Shawn – You didn't answer my question!!

Voice Modulator – IT'S MY TURN!!! SHAWN! Do you find suicide funny?!

Shawn – What?!

Voice Modulator – Do you find suicide funny?! I've been watching you recently making fun of Christy Matthews in her suicide attempt. Do you find it funny?!

Shawn – What do you care?!

Voice Modulator – You're not playing by the rules Shawn! I ask you a question and you answer before you ask me another question. Shawn! Do you find suicide to be funny? Because the last time I checked somebodies death is no laughing matter!

Shawn – Listen here you fuck! I'm not playing any type of game so you can go fuck yourself!

Voice Modulator – Oh no Shawn, YOU can go fuck yourself! You see I've had a lot of time to think this through and you know what? The only thing funny about all of this will be when I'm standing over your dead blood covered body!

* Shawn then gets a little smile to come across his face. *

Shawn – Ya know what, I've got to give you a bit of a clap here.

* Shawn mockingly claps his hands together. *

Shawn – You had me going there for a second Christy. You probably think that you're pretty clever trying to turn this whole thing against me, well go ahead and enjoy the little success' in your life because you clearly haven't had any big ones.

* There is silence followed by a beeping noise as the person hung up the phone. Right then Hannah comes in with the police officer behind her. *

Shawn – You seriously are a piece of work aren't you? Get some more cops out here you douche bag! I just got a phone call from somebody threatening to kill me so take that to your boss and tell him to do his job!

* The police officer goes back outside with his phone. Hannah runs up to Shawn. *

Hannah – Babe...are you alright?

Shawn – I'm fine, I know what's going on. I just want that douche to feel like he's doing a horrible job and to get some more security out here for future reference. I envision that after tomorrow night these calls could be more frequent.

Hannah – You do?

Shawn – Yeah, Ya don't watch SCW which I am actually very fond of.

Hannah – I worry about you enough, I don't need to watch you wrestle and be scared that you're going to get hurt again. You know I'd rather just block that out of my head.

Shawn – Trust me, that's what I love about you because to be honest, I don't think you'd like me all the much recently haha.

Hannah – What are you talking about?

Shawn – Well you know that I like to have fun right?

Hannah – Of course...everybody does.

Shawn – Well let's just say that I've been having my fun at a certain persons expense. Now said person is trying to get back at me by calling my house and threatening to kill me. (smiles)

Hannah – You're proud of that?

Shawn – Sure! If somebody wants to kill me then I'm clearly doing my job right. I've clearly gotten into my opponents head Hannah and that makes my victory tomorrow night inevitable.

* Right then Hank walks into the house through the patio door. *

Hank – Was that my wife? Is she on her way here?

Shawn – Damn it Hank you caught me. We were going to surprise you with a party but the cats out of the bag now!

Hank – A party?

Shawn – Why else did you think all of your friends are outside for you?

Hank – Oh...ok.

* Hank stumbles out the door. Shawn smiles and then kisses Hannah before grabbing one of the margarita's that Hannah sat down when answering the phone and heads back outside to his chair as the scene fades. *

* The scene opens up with Shawn Winters on a stage in what seems to be a theater. The theater is empty however lights are shining down on Shawn as he has a script in his hand. *

Shawn – (laughs) Oh Christy, you think that you're so clever. Prank calling my house trying to get inside of my head because I've so clearly already gotten inside of yours. Really? Is that the best you've got to offer? Well if that's the case then this is just going to be fun isn't it Christy? Did you enjoy Breakdown? Did you let out some of those inner demons? (smirks) You try and try your hardest to get at me but I honestly believe it's all the loss of blood that's making you a bit delusional. Ya see Christy in case you haven't noticed, for the past month...I have OWNED YOU! Me, one man has owned you and your entire little group of worthless dogs. I owned you on the microphone, I owned you in our tag team match from a couple weeks ago, I owned you on Ammo Friday night, I even owned you on Breakdown this past Wednesday night. Go ahead and throw out Lucas Knight to try and shut me up, I owned him too. Pete Ebdon?! HA! That guy didn't stand a chance against me. It's honestly got to literally hurt knowing that even with a group of people you can barely get your hands on me.

Now is the time that you actually want to talk a big game? NOW you're tired of people making fun of you and feeling sorry for you? Sweety you picked the wrong time to voice an opinion because in your little delusional state of mind if you hadn't figured out by now you asked for a first blood match with me. (smirks) Do you realize that all I have to do is open up those stitches and you'll be bleeding more than you're first period? You've clearly backed yourself into a corner and now you're trying so desperately to get out of it only to find yourself getting sucked deeper and deeper into the black hole that is your pathetic little life. So please Christy, be a woman for once and learn your place and SHUT YOUR MOUTH! However I guess that request of yours does deserve an answer doesn't it? Hm...a first blood match, Shawn Winters vs. Christy Matthews? The One Man Scandal vs. The Real Suicide Queen? All I've got to do is make you bleed and I come out victorious. Wow, so far I'm not seeing a downside to this because I showed just how easy it was to get to you last week. Christy you've got yourself a deal, I'll accept this first blood stipulation because now I may not even have to break a sweet, for all I know you could come down to the ring after trying to slit your wrists again and giving me the easy victory haha.

Now I figure since you and I have had so much fun these past few weeks why should we stop now? (smirks)Christy, you know the story “A Christmas Carol” right? The heart warming story of how the stingy Ebenezer Scrooge changed his entire life around after being visited on Christmas Eve by three ghosts. The ghost of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet To Come...what has been translated into future for those of you unaware of origins. (smirks) Now you see there were these three ghosts that gave Scrooge information of what his life used to be, what it currently is, and what it will inevitably be if he doesn't change his ways. These three separate ghosts told him more than anyone close to him ever could. In the end it was fear that changed Scrooge's ways...fear of being alone...fear of death...fear of life. I am inside this theater right now Christy because I am going to do you this very same service. I am deeply concerned by the road you are traveling. Now I understand that it's not Christmas but fuck it right? A holiday is a holiday.

Yes Christy you may find my concern hard to justify, hard to believe but I truly am concerned. Depression isn't something that just goes away with the proper treatment. I understand that you don't have anything to live for but what I'm going to try to do is convince you otherwise. By showing you the ghosts of Christy Matthews' Past, Present, and Future I'm hoping you'll see that your actions and selfishness effect your loved ones around you. As much as you may believe it Christy...the world doesn't revolve around you and the biggest action one can do to justify their selfishness would be suicide. So Christy, here I stand...about to show you the light and just TRY to get you back onto the path in which you were on prior to your world falling into a downward spiral. So Christy Matthews...sit back grab a bag of pop corn and a soda and enjoy the show. I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart as well as the hope of one day getting you clean and back to the reality that you're life isn't so bad. So, without further ado, let me introduce to you Christy...the ghost of your past.

* The lights dim down a bit before coming back on fully momentarily with Shawn Winters now wearing a bald cap on his head and a Lucas Knight t-shirt. *

Shawn – Now bare with me for a second while I get into character. (clears his throat) Bloody hell, bloody hell, bullocks, bullocks, mate, mate...alright I think I got this.

* The lights dim down a bit with a formal spotlight on “Lucas Knight”. *

Shawn – (as Lucas Knight) Christy Matthews, you and I have such a history together. I can't help but feel a bit responsible for what you have turned into today but I feel as though I can rectify this problem that you're having. I understand that you feel worthless after losing to David Helms in your chance at making history in becoming the first female World Champion. I understand that I may have brought you to this when I cheated on you with Syren. What I am trying to do here Christy is make it right. If we can get some sort of closure between us maybe, maybe you will feel like my cheating wasn't your fault.

The fact of the matter is you couldn't control it Christy, you really couldn't. You may think that you have a strangle hold on everything but the fact is you've got to come to terms that things can't be controlled. What happened between me and Syren wasn't because you did something wrong Christy, it really wasn' were great but that fact doesn't change the fact that Syren has a better ass than you do. Syren has better breasts, a flatter stomach, a better smile, the fact is that Syren would simply do things that men can only dream of. It's not that you did anything wrong it's just that you weren't good enough. Seriously, who am I kidding? The entire thing was your fault Christy, you weren't good enough for me and I showed you that by fucking Syren behind your back! You were never good enough for me just like you'll never be good enough for the SCW Championship, just like you'll never be good enough to beat Shawn Winters, or just like you'll never be good enough to your own father. Oh yes, I went there may pretend to be this strong woman but I know the real you, I've been inside of you and I know that deep down, you're a little girl desperate for your fathers approval. What does he think of you now Christy? Has he given up on you? Or did he do that a long time ago just like I did?

* Shawn then takes off his costume as the lights come back on as Shawn has a smirk on his face. *

Shawn – Jesus, that didn't go to well did it Christy? Damn, I always thought that these ghosts would be more compassionate to your condition but it seems like your past may indeed come back to haunt you. It appears that there is no way to change the fact that your marriage to Lucas Knight was a failure just like your life is right now. But hey, cheer up, just because one douche bag says that you're not good enough doesn't mean the other two will. Let's get a smile on your face and let's bring out your ghost of the present shall we? I'm sure this one will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. (smirks)

* The lights dim down once more before shining a spotlight on Shawn Winters once again this time he is dressed up as Pete Ebdon. *

Shawn – (as Pete Ebdon) Baby, baby, baby, honey, pumpkin, cookie, cupcake, random food to sustitute any type of affection that I might show you, sugar bear, why are you doing this to yourself? I see you every night, I see that you're confused, that you're torn, you're tearing yourself apart inside, you strive so hard to be perfect but Christy, your definition of perfect is impossible to accomplish. What about me Christy? What about your husband Pete Ebdon? Does my opinion of your perfection not count? Now I know that I'm not much anymore and to be honest I'm really quite useless but I'm still your husband and my feelings should matter! Now I understand that you may feel a bit overwhelmed at times having to carry my fat ass around as if I'm holding you down but baby, you remember that I used to be somebody right? You remember.

Sure, it's understandable that you'd want to marry somebody beneath you after how your marriage with Lucas Knight fell apart when he fucked Syren, you wanted to make sure that it never happened again so you married me. You married me, because you knew that I would never get such an opportunity because I'm a worthless sack of shit who can't even stick up for his own wife! But Christy, baby, this burden of my worthless life has gotten too heavy for you. You clearly feel like you need an escape which is why you tried to kill yourself, you tried to end your life because you have seen how far it has fallen. Waking up to me every morning only cements that feeling.

But honey trust me, as much as people around you talk, we've all heard the voices: “Christy Matthews is a failure”, “Christy Matthews is nothing”, “Christy Matthews is the female Greg Cherry”. Baby, we've all heard what people have said about you but I'm here, I'm real, I'm telling you that I don't believe those things. I believe that you are an angel sent from heaven that is for whatever reason eager to go back because I'm not man enough to keep you here! Christy please! DON'T LEAVE ME!!! (cries)

* Shawn takes off his costume as the lights come back on. *

Shawn – Wow...what do you see in that guy Christy? I guy clearly has some sort of confidence issues. He did have some good points though Christy, you clearly did marry beneath you because you were afraid of not being good enough for someone else. Now here you are married to a man that makes you hate your life every single day because deep down inside you know that you settled for less than quite possibly you deserve, no wonder you wanted to kill yourself. Hell I tried killing myself twice just listening to that tool talk. The guy clearly isn't man enough to protect the woman he that's a tall order to protect you because quite honestly I figure he's probably baby proofed the whole house afraid that you might bump your head on a coffee table or something. (smirks)

But Christy, let me tell you something, there is still something to live for. Now I know that Lucas Knight didn't give you much to live for and Pete Ebdon probably just wanted to make you kill yourself more but alas, there is still one more ghost. The ghost of your future and let me tell you something, this ghost definitely won't feel inadequate to you much like your husband. This next ghost is probably the very embodiment of confidence. This next ghost will make you wet purely at the sight of him. So, Christy Matthews...have a towel handy because here is the ghost of your future.

* The lights go down only for a spot light to shine down moments later as Shawn Winters looks up with a smirk on his face, not dressed as anyone, he's simply himself. *

Shawn – Bingo Christy, you're looking at your own future right here in the body of the One Man Scandal Shawn Winters! Now I'd be lying if I told that this wasn't my worst gig but hey, any job to better get the point to you across right sweet cheeks? (winks) Now let me get down to the nitty gritty here, your past? A failure. Your present? A failure. Do you want to take a shot in the dark of what your future is going to be Christy? I'll give you a hint. It's “eruliaf” spelled backwards. (smirks) Wow, you're smarter than you look Christy, that's right you're still going to be a failure. Now do you want to know why you're going to be a failure? It's because of me, Shawn Winters. Now, I'm not going to cheat on you like Lucas Knight did well because let's face it, I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the cure for cancer and I was stage five. I'm not going to remind you of your past failures every time you look at me in the morning. What I am going to do for you is much MUCH better. What I am going to do, is I am going to be the final nail in your already built coffin.

You're streaming for perfect Christy so what better way to do so then to stand toe to toe with it eh? Oh yeah, you'll be standing toe to toe with me, perfection personified. I didn't make myself this way Christy, God did. God made me perfect and when you fail against me it's God's way of telling you that you suck. It's God's way of telling you that not only are you not good enough for Lucas Knight or the SCW Championship but you're not even good enough to be on his planet. So I, Shawn Winters, the ghost of your future is giving you a warning Christy, don't make it to Riding the Lightning because you're only going to fall deeper and deeper into this depression and who knows what you'll do. My advice to you Christy, just go ahead and kill yourself tonight before you actually hurt somebody important. (smirks)

* The lights go out on Shawn Winters smiling. *