One Man Scandal
My Form of Release
Well here we are again old friend. Right back into a state of depression. The moment you think that youíre regaining the sense of self it gets ripped away from you when you find your pregnant wife on a date with another guy. A guy that looks like heís been playing World of Warcraft and Dungeons and Dragons his entire life in the basement. Iím losing Hannah to that guy? How far the mighty have fallen eh? Coming to terms with having a child, scared the shit out of me. Which is why I ran but I ran to get help. I ran because I wanted to come back. Coming to terms with Hannah leaving me? That happened when she filed the divorce papers for my idiocy. I had my 2nd chance and I blew it. Coming to terms with the divorce papers? YeahÖI canít bring myself to do that as theyíre still stuffed under the bus mattress for nobody to see. Now Iíve got more stacked onto my plate with this dating crap. As if I didnít have enough shit pilled on me already. Itís only a matter of time before I crumble under the weight of it all. I mean even the strongest of people have their breaking point. Have I finally reached mine? Iíve got so many secrets storied in my brain that itís impossible to keep track of them all. For the past few months I have been living a flat out lie. Something needs to change or Iím going to crumble under this immense pressure, this immense weight of human guilt and emotion. Itís bad enough that this is the first time Iím feeling it but to add extra just seems cruel.
Monday, September 5th 2011
With all thatís happened maybe Iím already starting to break judging by the way my mind is playing tricks on me. Itís like Iím thinking one thing yet doing the exact opposite. My mind is telling me back off the ledge but my heart is telling me to jump. Is it always like this for people? Does the mind and heart always want different things? Iím discovering this for the first time which makes me wonder what the hell do I know?
Thereís a saying: ďTo determine whether or not we know anything, we must first question everything we know.Ē Maybe thatís true. The only thing that I know is that I love HannahÖand that I need some sort of release.
* The scene opens up outside of Shawn Wintersí Los Angeles home. Shawn is inside in the living room facing his fireplace with a giant box of stuff to his right. The box is shown to hold pictures of Hannah as well as items that look to have been hers. Shawn looks at one of the pictures. Itís from their wedding night in Vegas. *
Wednesday, September 7th, 2011
Shawn - Iím usually so careful when it comes to relationships. Not letting someone inside yet...somehow within months you and I were getting married.
You were intoxicated you idiot! Being the voice of reason is awful when itís not being heard even by the person thinking it!
Shawn - I donít know what I did to ever earn your trust but you trusted me as if nobody in your life has ever let you down before. I let you down. I walked out on you and now youíre doing the same to me. I cheated on you and now once again, youíre doing the same to me.
* Shawn tosses the picture into the fire. He watches as the ink from the photo turns into a bluish smoke leading up through his chimney. Right then Brooke walks up behind him. *
Brooke - Itís about freakiní time. Itís like Iím teaching a junior high girl how to handle a break up.
Why is it that Iím always compared to a girl in Brookeís eyes? Itís kind of insulting.
Brooke - This is like step one. You need to destroy anything that reminds you of her. Completely detach yourself from her, that way you wonít seem so damn needy.
Shawn - The only thing I need right now is for you to leave me alone.
Brooke - NOOOOOPE! What you need is to let out some of this anger that youíve got stored inside.
Shawn - I donít have anger stored up inside.
Yes you do you idiot! You just saw your wife on a date with another man. Youíre angry, youíre pissed off, youíre-
Brooke - Shawn stop denying it. Youíre so filled up with raw emotion that you donít know how to express it. Youíve never been good at expressing emotion for someone else so you need to find a way to release it in another fashion. You need to use that anger that youíve got built up and let it out some how.
Shawn - Like I said, I donít have built up anger.
Why do you have to be so stubborn?! Just admit it already!
Brooke - Shawn look at me.
* Shawn turns away from the fire to look at Brooke. *
Brooke - Did you happen to burn your balls with those pictures because Iím wondering where the hell they are.
Shawn - Excuse me?!
Brooke - Wake up! You saw your wife on a date with another man!
Brooke - She probably went home and screwed him just to spite you!
Brooke - With the way youíre going youíll never get over her because no girl would want anything to do with a crying little bitch!
Shawn - Not cool! I am all that is man!
Eh, she has a point. What kind of man are you when you canít even get an erection?
Brooke - Shawn, somewhere along the way you lost yourself as a man. What happened to the man that ruined our brothers wedding in order to get revenge on the girl he was marrying? That very act that made him shunned and disowned by his family? What happened to that guy? I mean seriously Shawn if I was you and I had a set of balls Iíd be pissed at Hannah. I wouldnít worry about wanting to get her back, Iíd be worrying about making her pay for the mistake of leaving you!
Shawn - I deserved-
Brooke - Stop it! Stop with this shtick already! You keep trying to justify her actions when what you need to be doing is getting pissed off at them! Come on, yell at me Shawn!
Shawn - Why would I yell at you?
Brooke - Show me that youíve got something in that sack of yours! I want to see you get angry! Get pissed!
Shawn - Iím not mad at you.
Brooke - Really? I know I would be when I found out that my little sister just got recorded by Ethan while he and I had sex in this house. I think heís going to put it on the internet.
Shawn - Not cool Brooke, stop with the jokes!
Brooke - Oh itís no joke. I mean that guy has a sack of balls that you could really take a lesson from. I mean when those things were right in front of my face-
Shawn - BROOKE!
Brooke - It was like Niagra Falls after he was done-
Shawn - SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Brooke - YES! Now call me a slut! Call me a bitch! A whore! A harpy! Let me have it!
COME ON SHAWN! RIP HER A NEW ASSHOLE! MAKE HER NEVER WANT TO JOKE ABOUT THAT SHIT AGAIN! YOU NEED THIS! ITíS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!
Shawn - Brooke youíre-(sigh)Ölooking out for me I know but this isnít what I need right now.
Shawn - I know you think that yelling at you is going to make everything better but itís not going to bring Hannah back, itís not going to fix everything.
Brooke - Itís not meant to fix everything, itís meant to fix you! Forget Hannah! Focus on you! If you ever stand a chance of getting her back one day you need to go back to the person you were when you got her! Youíre not yourself, youíre a shell of your former self. Quite frankly you like this? Hannah could do better.
Brooke - Think about what I said Shawn. You need to let out some anger and frustration somehow otherwise youíre going to explode from the inside out. Youíve got a giant nuke forming in there and you need to let it out so it explodes on someone else and not on you. I've slowly watched my big brother go from fighting for what he believes in. From fighting for Hannah. What are you fighting now Shawn? Because from the looks of it, you're not fighting anything but yourself.
You know sheís right you idiot. You need to vent. Youíve been hiding all of your problems from everyone. Your best friends donít know about the divorce or the fact that you canít get an erection. Youíve got all this shit built up inside of you that you canít carry it all. Youíve got to let some of it out. Get that anger out of your system and maybe just maybe other things will follow. What have you got to lose at this point?
* Brooke has now left the room while Shawn turns back to the fireplace where he looks at a picture of Hannah and himself on a bridge kissing. He crumbles up the picture and throws it into the fire. *
Shawn - BitchÖ
Thatís a start.
* The scene shows the parking garage of the Air Canada Centre the site of this weeks Breakdown. The Greaternity bus has just pulled in and exits Adam Allocco, Ace Marshall, Porno Lad, Charlie, and then driver Ty. They all make their way into the arena while Shawn trails taking his time. He is just starting to get off the bus when a car pulls in and out steps Holly Adams and her assistant Jodi. Holly turns around and makes eye contact with Shawn. Theyíve never really gotten along even when she tried to ďhelpĒ him with Hannah. Last time they talked they argued while she was getting the rest of her things off the Greaternity bus after being dumped by Ace. Then out of know where for whatever reason that Shawn canít figure out she felt like he was the person to confide in. HA! That was a big mistake. The truth is Shawn couldnít give a damn about anything that Holly had to say. Canít feel sorry for someone else when youíre too busy feeling sorry for yourself. *
Hereís your chance! Yell at her! Call her a slut! A bitch! Yell at her for all the shit she told you! You donít give a damn about her personal life so why did she force it on you like a diaper on a baby! You just wanna be nude! Screw the diaper! Let her have it!
* They stare at each other for a minute before Shawn just ignores her. As Shawn walks by her she yells. *
Holly - That's it? This is the first time I see you since our conversation on the bus? Do you even remember it?!
* Shawn stops and sighs before turning around. He's clearly got enough on his mind at the moment to give a shit what Holly is blabbering on about. *
Shawn - Oh I remember it I just don't care.
Holly - I can't believe you. I completely break down, something that I have been strong enough to prevent and yet it happens in front of you?! Someone that honestly couldn't even feel any type of emotion for another person. Yet you honestly sit and wonder why the hell your wife left you?! You are such a hypocrite it isn't even funny!
Oh come on! That right there is your chance!
Shawn - I don't have time for this crap.
PUSSY! What the hell is wrong with you! You have a loaded gun in your hand cocked and ready to fire! You're holding that gun at her! You want to fire that gun, you need to fire that gun! Yet you're seemingly scared of a back fire! Fire the gun!
Holly - Right, I forgot that you don't have time for anyone, not even your unborn child.
Shawn - Ya know what, how dare you Holly. Who the hell do you think you are?! You stand there and insult me when I'm trying to be the better man and ignore them!? Well you know what? Fuck you! Come to think of it, how dare you come onto my bus and talk to me the way that you did. Color me surprised when I find myself on a receiving end of a sob story from someone that I couldnít give an ants testicle about.
Oh my god I love you! It's all coming out!
Shawn - Now I know that Ace felt the need to share things with you that quite frankly are none of his concern and none of his god damn business. I live my life without needing judgement from others let alone you. I mean seriously, who the hell do you think you are? You want to judge me? You who couldnít even cast a stone in your entire glass house want to try and get on your high horse and look down on me because youíre some sort of recovering junkie? No, you havenít earned the right to judge me. You havenít earned the right to even talk to me. I am Shawn Winters and I am beyond help. I am beyond your stupid psycho babble bullshit where you think opening up actually helps. You want to go and bawl your eyes out to someone that could honestly not give a shit only to throw it right back in his face? Go right ahead but donít be surprised when you end up on the end of a bridge thatís in the middle of burning down. You live your life the way you want to live it but donít you ever fucking judge me on how I live mine.
Holly - Right because youíve clearly got your life under control. You try to over come the stench of failure with that of alcohol.
Shawn - Well if you ask me the only thing that youíve swallowed more than pills is cum.
Holly - Well at least I didnít have a woman leave me because they thought I was too much of a failure to support her entire life.
Shawn - Addicted to pills? Why donít you grow up and get actual problems. There are eight year olds with bigger problems than you.
Holly - An eight year old thatís lucky to have you as a father perhaps!
Shawn - Or you as a mother!
* Holly slaps Shawn right across the face. *
Oh my god this feels so good. Brooke was right this is making me feel so much betterÖWait a minute.
Shawn - Slap me again!
* Holly slaps him again. *
YEAH! Thatís the stuff. I am feeling my pants to start to get a bit tighter.
Shawn - AGAIN!
* Holly looks confused as she slaps him across the face once more. Shawn then grabs Holly by the hair and pulls it back and starts to kiss her. He stops and Holly slaps him again. Almost instantly they jump each other locking lips aggressively as Holly jumps up wrapping her legs around him as Shawn throws her against the bus. *
* The next scene shows Shawn and Holly laying on the floor with a sheet over them while everything around them is either broken or on the floor. *
I think I just figured out why I havenít been able to have sex with anyone lately. Itís because deep down I seriously have all this anger just built up inside of me. For whatever reason it was Holly that I was able to unload on and within seconds that hatred just lead to physical, rough, and painful sex. Hell, I donít even know if you could call what we just did ďsexĒ. It was more like an hour long Last Person Standing match. There was clawing, hair pulling, biting, itís like I have battle scars on my body that reflect the pain and agony that I had just endured. But holy fucking shitÖitís exactly what I needed. Wow, all I could think about was my sisterÖwait no, that didnĎt sound right. Damn it Shawn you werenĎt thinking about Brooke while fucking Holly. You just realized that she was right but things into better context. Good thing my mind has become a filter and I didnĎt say that out loud.
* Shawn looks at Holly who looks shocked. *
SHIT! I didnít say that out loud did I?!
Shawn - I should go.
Holly - Me too.
* They both get up revealing claw marks and bite marks and possibly some bruising on their bodies. Holly gets dressed and leaves the bus leaving Shawn sitting on the bed in his jeans. *
Shawn - Of all peopleÖHolly?
She was perfect. All you needed was that little extra anger to erupt like a volcano and it was all thrown onto her. You see what happened when you let some of that emotional baggage out? You were able to have sex. It wasnít your love for your wife that kept you from doing it, it was all the built up emotions and anger. You can only focus on withholding stuff like that for so long before itís too much and all youíre able to do. By releasing some of it, it lessened the burden on you. That right there was the first step in becoming you again.
* Shawn rubs his hands through his hair and lays down and winces in pain as his back is bleeding. He reaches back to rub it and seeís his fingers have blood on them. Something appears on Shawnís face that hasnít appeared in some time, a smile. Shawn smiles before laughing a bit. Right then Ace walks onto the bus and back to ShawnĎs room and looks inside as Shawn is trying to find his shirt. *
Ace - Holy shit! What the hell happened in here?! We were waiting for like a hour for you in the locker room.
* Shawn grabs his shirt from off the floor revealing his back to Ace. *
Ace - Wow! Either you just earned some points or you let a wolverine loose in here. Are you alright?
* Shawn puts on his shirt before smiling at Ace. *
Shawn - You know what? Yeah, I think I am.
* Shawnís smile doesnít go away as he pats Ace on the back as they head into the Air Canada Centre. *
* The camera shows Shawn Winters living room from behind a couch. You see the back of Shawnís head as he is leaning forward anxiously watching the television in front of him. *
Shawn - Come on, come on.
* The sound of the television can be heard as a womans voice appears. *
Woman - Tonights power ball lottery is. 17.Ö2.Ö11.Ö40.Ö.32.Öand the power ball number is 21.
Shawn - God damn it!
* Shawn turns off the tv and throws the remote across the room onto a chair. The camera then pans around to the front of Shawn showing him frustrated looking at his ticket. His numbers show: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42. *
Shawn - Ya know for a second there I thought this would work. I mean I chose the same numbers that fat guy did on Lost! I guess it wasnít meant to be. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it luck either way it looks like I donít have it. LuckÖan interesting concept that is. You never realize that youíre lucky until itís too late. Say yesterday you get that taxi on the first try and make it on time to see the movie that youíve been dying to see. Today you donít get that taxi and instead you get splashed as it runs over a puddle of water. Now, were you lucky yesterday? Possibly but it took today for you to realize it. People are never complacent with what they have. They want what they had or what someone else has. In this case itís Shaun Cruze wanting my World Championship. He wants what I have and see there is a term that Iíve heard before. HmÖwhat could it be? Oh, got itÖenvy! Shaun Cruze you envy me. You envy my life you envy my career you envy my talents. Which is why you have come up with luck as a way of defeating me. Which is why you donít deny my talents because secretly you want them. You wouldnít want something that sucks would you?
Itís good of you to admit that youíre not going to beat me on Sunday because youíre better than me. I applaud you for that, itís good to see that the kids these days have someone whose humble to look up to. Now the concept that youíre grasping to of luck just shows how desperate you really are to try and envision an image of victory. Whatís your plan Cruze? Are you going to fly to Ireland, kiss the blarney stone. Come back stick a horse shoe, four leaf clover, and a rabbits foot up your ass? Wear those ďluckyĒ underwear that you got laid in about a month ago? Is that your plan on beating me? Because if it is I applaud youÖno I give you a standing ovation.
* Shawn stands up clapping and cheering. *
Shawn - You really are just grasping at hairs here. Itís like screw talent, screw experience, Iím going to rely on lady luck to get me through this match. Lady luck will get me to beat Shawn Winters. Forget the fact that Iíve failed in the pastÖmy luck is about to change. Shaun, youíre like a gambling junky in Vegas. ďIíve lost so much money but if I keep spending more eventually Iíll win. Bad luck only means good luck is soon to follow.Ē Your so young in your career Shaun I suppose I can forgive you for being naive.
Shaun, all youíve done to try and refute my evidence of beating you is claim that Iím not a real Champion. That I donít fight my own battles or I have to cheat to win. When are you going to say something that I havenít heard you say before? All Iíve heard from you is that I used a ring bell to beat you and that I somehow needed to prove myself to you. I forget, who are you again? Because last time I checked Iím a Three time World Champion and you I wouldnít even know if I hadnít faced you before. You hold claim to the fact that I needed to cheat to beat you like itís the one bit of hope that you have but itís really beginning to get kinda sad there sport. You speak of luck and what ifís like youíve already given up. Like Iíve already beaten you in your mind. You asked me ďwhat if I lost the World Championship?Ē ďWhat if you defeated me at Apocalypse?Ē Well let me give you a question of my own: ďwhat if I just disqualify myself right away so that your little contract goes out the window and youíre back to square one?Ē If Iím not above cheating do you think Iím above that? You ask these questions like you think theyíre getting under my skin. Sorry buddy, there isnít a thing that you could possibly do to get under my skin.
You are holding onto hope that you could have beaten me months ago when I used the ring bell, let me give you a word of advice. GET OVER YOURSELF! You lost a match, your first loss in SCW and yet you ramble on and on about it because it bothers you. It eats you up inside. You probably wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweats reliving those final three seconds as the refereeís hand hitís the mat. That right there shows that I have gotten under your skin Shaun, not the other way around. You think it bothers me that you repeat that and hold it over my head as if itís the weight of an anvil? Heh, Iím not Wile E. Coyote and youíre not the Road Runner. That anvil isnít going to drop on my head because it doesnĎt exist. Iíve had people hold things over me my entire career here in SCW. I have done things in this business that would make your head spin, things that Iím surprised have been allowed to air on national television. Those things have been held over my head. Losing to James Exeter at Rise to Greatness in 2009 has been held over my head. Me beating you with a bell? Thatís nothing more than a drop of rain falling on my head. It just goes away. So you may think that youíre getting to me but the truth is all youíre doing is trying to grasp at a fictitious thing like hope and luck.
Shaun you buy into those things because thatís the only thing left for you to believe in. Iíve got you to question whether or not youíre going to be able to beat me. That is already a losers attitude. You buy into hope and luck because deep down inside you know that at Apocalypse you are going to fail and these things will be a fall back for you, a condolence if you will. Youíll have them to comfort you as if to say you were just ďunluckyĒ. No Shaun, you wonít be unlucky, you just wonít be as good as me. Have you ever heard of a thing called ďbuyers remorseĒ? Itís when you have a sense of regret after buying something. In your case itís going to be luck and hope. You buy them hoping that they provide you with something against me only to find out that it didnít work. Sadly though, there isnít any refunds on pride or dignity because youíll clearly lose that relying on crap like this. You claim to know me, claim to have figured me out? Well then know this Shaun, when Sunday comes and youíre standing across the ring from me growing more and more uncomfortable with that horseshoe up your ass youíll come to the realization that all you believe in is a lie and that the only truth in which you need to know is that I am World Champion and that I am better than you. If you know me as well as you claim to, Iím sure youíve already began making post Apocalypse plans for the United States Championship. Whether I actually beat you fair in square or have my armyís help thatís remained to be seen but either way Iím leaving with the World Championship over my shoulder and youíll be remembered as just another individual on a list a mile long in which Iíve angeredÖwell thatís of course assuming youíre remembered at all.
* Shawn smiles into the camera as he relaxes a bit on his couch as if nothing of importance is on his mind. He looks at his nails and begins to bite one looking like he doesnít have a care in the world. *
Shawn - Ya know, speaking of my army. You want me to come down to the ring without them? You want me to come down there at Apocalypse and face you one on one without my men to help me? Let me ask you something Shaun, if you had an army for a war against someone would you not use them to there utmost abilities? Or would you go into war alone only to get shot dead in an instant? You see I have the luxury of making a decision like that Shaun you donít. I have an army of soldiers which at the drop of a dime would lay on a grenade for me. Nobody would do that for you Shaun because youíre expendable. Iím not, I canít be replaced as a wrestler or as a Champion. You may mock me for the Champion that I am, you may challenge me to be a better Champion but you have the luxury of being naÔve and believing that you could do better. The truth is that Iím World Champion for a reason. I am World Champion because I have earned it. I have stepped on toes, hell Iíve stepped on heads in order to get where I am and while you may claim that I am not an ďhonorableĒ Champion I question you whether or not you know what it takes to be a Champion. You want a fair fight at Apocalypse? Well I suggest you look at the name of the pay per view and come to the quick realization that youíre in for a fight and I have the army to survive it. When the day of reckoning comes and all of mankind is being destroyed youíll be the first to go because you believe in things like hope, luck, honorÖIíll be the one still standing because Iíve got an army built to protect me.
You donít question my abilities however you question my fortitude, you question my ethics, my gall. Well question away because itís falling on deaf ears. I know exactly what I am, I know who I am. I am Shawn Winters and I am YOUR World Champion. You? Youíre just another guy trying to figure out who he is by stepping in the ring against me. You shouldnít be questioning me, you should be questioning yourself. Apocalypse marks the end of all we knowÖfrom the looks of it Shaun, you know nothing. So feel free to call me a coward until your blue in the face if it makes you feel any better but know that when said reckoning comes, Iíll be standing tall over the complete wreckage that will be your attempt at beating me. So good luck Shaun, as you already know, youíre going to need it.
* Shawn stands up while pushing his hand into the camera as it fades to an SCW logo and then to black. *