One Man Scandal
It happened again last night, the nightmares they’ve remained no matter how deep into a coma I be with alcohol and drugs. The strongest of drugs haven’t been able to make them leave my mind, it’s quite the opposite. Instead, it intensifies my nightmares. You know how they say that if you die in your dreams that you die in real life? I have found that to be completely false. In my most recent nightmare I watched myself die. I watched as my own child murdered me in cold blood. I saw my own funeral, something that many people wish they could truly do. I saw my own funeral and I came to be quite humbled…humbled in a sense that my funeral attendance consisted of Greaternity, Miranda, and her parents. There were no signs of my own family, not my most recent ex-wife Nora who you would think would still have at least some love for me to attend my funeral. Now to my biggest surprise my first wife Angie was no where to be found. Me and her are at least on speaking terms and for her not to show up at my funeral is truly heart wrenching. It would have been her only time to sit there with my child and say to him: “That man was your father.”
All I know is that my son knows my name, he knows the name of his father but for all I know he could think that I’m a Military officer over seas. He knows nothing about me and I’m sure Angie would love to keep it that way. I’m sure she’s probably telling him something to that extent telling him that I would be there for him if I could instead of the true story in me not being there because I’m no man to raise a child. Maybe I’ve just been lying to myself for far to long, maybe these nightmares have finally busted out of the tightly locked box in which they were placed many years ago. I guess the only thing for me to do is to actually confront them, but I’m not quite there yet. You can call me afraid, you can call me a coward I don’t care because quite honestly I’ve heard them all before ever since my tactics in Tactical Warfare. Is it wrong for me to want to push this thing off as much as I can? I don’t think it’s so wrong but you and I both know that it’s going to happen whether it’s today, tomorrow, next week, or next year. It’s going to happen…but my current coping mechanism hasn’t failed me completely yet…so until then I’m going to do my best to keep myself busy and entertained because then…and then alone my mind is under my control, until I black out that is.
Tuesday May 19th, 2009
* The scene opens up with Shawn Winters relaxing on his couch with a book in his hands only for Miranda to break the silence and relaxation by charging into the room screaming like a banshee and jumping on Shawn forcing him to drop his book. *
Miranda – Babe guess what?! You’ll never guess what just happened!
Friday May 22nd, 2009
Shawn – Laguna Beach is back and they want you to be on it?
Miranda – Oh shut up! That was my high school principle Dr. Lemar and you’ll never guess what we’re going to be doing on Friday night?!
Shawn – We?
Miranda – Well I’ll give you a hint, I lost my virginity at it last year!
Shawn – You mean you weren’t a virgin when I had sex with you? (smirks)
Miranda – Oh stop!
Shawn – That’s it, we’re broken up. I don’t date sluts.
* Miranda goes to playfully slap Shawn on the chest but he catches her arm and then catches her other arm and rolls her over on the couch. *
Shawn – Now, stop being a girl and just tell me what the hell you are talking about. Where am I supposedly going on Friday night other then a bar?
Miranda – Well you’re never going to believe it but….WE’RE GOING TO PROM!!!
Shawn – Haha, funny…no seriously where are we going?
* Miranda sits up. *
Miranda – Seriously, since I was prom queen last year the principle invited me back so I could give away the crown to the new prom queen. Isn’t it exciting?!
Shawn – (Sarcastic) Oh yeah I'll go dig up my high school class ring and I'll let you wear it and everything! We'll be so cool everyone will envy us!
Miranda – Yeah!....wait a minute...are you not excited?! You get to take me to the prom! Get all dressed up, get me a corsage, rent a hotel room and then you know…(smiles)
Shawn – Why the hell would I ever want to put forth so much time and energy to get a girl naked and on a bed when I’ve already had her naked and on a bed for free?
Miranda – Wha-are you trying to say that you don’t want to go with me?
Shawn – That’s exactly what I’m trying to say. Why on earth would I want to go to a high school dance?
Miranda – It’s not just a dance though, it’s prom! Didn’t you have fun at your prom?
Shawn – Sure I had fun but that was 10 years ago. What the hell is a 28 year old man going to do at a prom other then get the police involved?
Miranda – But Shawn you don’t understand! I was Prom Queen! I have a responsibility to go and give the crown to the new queen.
Shawn – Then you can go and give the crown away and then come back home, I’ll be getting home from the bar a few hours later you can wait for me.
Miranda – Shawn, I don’t ask much from you but you have no idea how much this means to me. I can’t go to Prom without my boyfriend!
Shawn – Well I’ll be alright if we break up so you can go to prom by yourself.
* Miranda punches Shawn in the chest. *
Miranda – Babe do you think I’m stupid? We break up for a night only for you to go out and get some random pussy and get an STD and then give it to me when we get back together like it’s one of those stupid birthday presents like in those commercials! I don’t think so! You’re going to prom with me and you’re going to like it!
Shawn – Miranda I am not going to prom with you!
Shawn – I can’t believe I’m at the fucking prom!
* The banners are hung the balloons are on the ceiling. “Los Angeles High School” is written on the wall followed by “Romans”. Pictures are being taken by all of the couples who are all excited. Miranda is signing in at a desk. *
What the fuck is happening to my life right now? Am I seriously the prom queens eye candy? God, if Adam or Ace or anyone ever gets word of this I’m never going to be able to live this fucking thing down. I mean just look at all these girls. How old are they? They can’t be any older then 15, all of which are going to open there legs like a book when this things over because that will be the deal they struck with whatever senior who brought them. It’s kind of ironic how I compared Asher Hayes’ new found popularity with high school but this…this is going a little too far. I never intended on actually stepping foot into one. I’ve GOT to find a place where I can just duck out and hide. There’s got to be somewhere in this place where teachers never check, I mean it is a high school for crying out loud. All I’ve got to do is find the stoners and I’m sure they’ll lead me to this heavenly place where I won’t be bothered by mindless blabber of how David has a hotel room key or how Andrew brought his date here in a limo. If I don’t have a gun to my head before this thing is over I will consider this to be a success.
* Miranda then rejoins Shawn with a sticker that labels him as a guest. Shawn rolls his eyes. *
Miranda – Babe just relax and enjoy yourself.
* Right then the principle Dr. Lemar and a woman walk up to Shawn and Miranda. *
Lemar – Miranda it’s so great to see you back. Hows USC treating you?
Miranda – Oh you know, it’s college.
Lemar – Yeah I know how it is.
* Miranda grabs Shawn by his arm and pulls him closer. *
Miranda – This is my boyfriend Shawn.
Lemar – Shawn Winters…it’s a true pleasure to meet you. My two boys are very big into professional wrestling. One of which is a junior varsity wrestler here.
Shawn – Nice to meet you too.
Lemar – This lovely woman beside me is my fiancée Rebecca Northrup. She’s one of our most popular teachers here.
* They go to shake hands but Shawn and Rebecca just stare at each other. *
Shawn – I am getting this awkward feeling that you and I have met before.
Rebecca – Because we have…over a year ago, I guess I shouldn’t expect you to remember me considering your reputation.
Lemar – What are you talking about honey?
Rebecca – Well let’s just say Shawn here promised me the world. The world in which he is seemingly giving young Miranda here.
* Shawn bites his bottom lip. *
Shit, alright that I can honestly say was the least of my worries coming to a damn high school prom. I mean how was I supposed to know that I had hooked up with the principles fiancée? She can’t seriously hold a grudge like that against me can she? I mean like she said it was over a year ago.
Lemar – You mean you and Shawn Winters did the…naughty?
Shawn – The naughty? I have no idea what you’re talking about sir but we had sex.
Miranda – Oh my god Shawn! You had sex with my math teacher?!
Shawn – She was teaching me long division.
Rebecca – You really are an asshole Shawn!
* Rebecca walks off as Dr. Lemar stays. *
Lemar – Miranda why don’t you go and get the prom queen crown from Mrs. Hughes, she’s been holding onto it for you.
Miranda – Sure Dr. Lemar!
* Miranda walks off into the crowd of people with the glimmer of her dress shining in the light. *
Lemar – So…you’ve had sex with my fiancée huh?
Shawn – Listen dude, if you two were together at the time I wasn’t aware of it.
Lemar – I doubt you’d of cared.
Shawn – Touche but either way I’m already having a horrible time here I don’t need to make this any worse.
Lemar – Oh I’m not mad at you Shawn, not at all!
Shawn – You’re not?
Lemar – Hell no! I mean if you’ve had sex with her then that must mean that I’ve done quite well for myself right?
* He nudges Shawn in the arm with his elbow and a giant smile on his face. *
Shawn – If only everybody can look at things like that. Listen, I better go find Miranda.
Lemar – Alright Shawn you take care now, I’m sure I’ll run into you again. Have a great time.
* Shawn salutes the principle as he walks away through the crowd of dancing couples and couples sitting at tables with friends. *
The eyes are just burning through me right now I can feel it. The whispers as I walk by, I can hear each and every one of them. Either I’m the amazing Shawn Winters who happens to be gracing there presence here at Prom or I’m that random old creeper guy who could easily be mistaken for a child molester. I’m hoping to god that it’s not the latter. I’m sure that the girls and boys who know who I am want to jump me each in different ways, then the ones who don’t know who I am are probably scared I’m going to rape them. God damn it I knew this was a mistake. Where the fuck is Miranda, I need to get out of here.
* Right then an older woman comes up and stops Shawn in his path. *
Woman – I’m sorry but you seem to be lost. Can I help you?
Shawn – Yeah, I’m looking for Miranda Pettigrew. Have you seen her?
Woman – Oh, are you her father?
Wow, either this bitch is relatively retarded or I’m even more out of place then I thought.
Shawn – Actually I’m her boyfriend…so…
Woman – Oh, um….uh
Shawn – Can you just tell me where she is or judge me from across the room because you’re really quite ugly and I’d rather not be looking at your face much longer.
* Shawn just pushes her aside and finds Miranda talking to some young guy. *
Miranda – Shawn, oh my god come here! You’ve got to meet somebody!
* Shawn walks up next to Miranda. *
Miranda – Shawn this is Ryan, Ryan this is Shawn.
Ryan – The great Shawn Winters, wow…dude you’re a lucky man to have this girl to sleep next to every night.
Miranda – Aw Ryan!
* Miranda playfully pushes him. *
Miranda – Shawn this is my ex-boyfriend. We went to prom together last year. Now this year he’s a favorite to win prom king.
Shawn – Oh, so you’re still in high school then?
Ryan – Yes, but next year I’ll be joining Miranda at USC. Maybe you and I could get an apartment together or something.
Miranda – Yeah, that could be fun.
Shawn – Whoa…
Ryan – Ya know I still have those pictures that you sent me right before prom.
* Miranda starts to blush. *
Miranda – No! You saved those?!
Ryan – Of course I saved them! They were so sexy! It defiantly got me excited to be taking you to prom haha.
Miranda – Wow Ryan you really know how to flatter a girl.
Shawn – Wait a second, what pictures?
Miranda – Last years prom was defiantly something to remember!
Ryan – Do you remember Lewbart with the giant-
Miranda – Wart! Oh my god yes! The front clerk at the hotel! We kept acting like it was alive!
Ryan – I know right! He had absolutely no idea what was going on! We were making fun of him to his face and he had no clue! What a moron.
Miranda – Ryan it’s so great to see you again, I’ve missed you so much! We were like best friends what happened?!
Ryan – You got to good for me and left for college that’s what happened.
* Miranda playfully shoves Ryan again only to give him a hug. *
Miranda – You know that’s not true!
* Ryan’s hand then swipes past Miranda’s ass which doesn’t go unnoticed by Shawn who then pulls Miranda away from the embrace. *
Shawn – So, I think it’s time for us to get out of here. My flask was confiscated when I walked in I’m going through some withdrawls.
Miranda – Shawn, I haven’t given away the crowd yet what is your problem?
Shawn – What is my problem?!
Miranda – Ya know what, if you’re not having any fun then why don’t you just go sit somewhere. Ryan and I will enjoy ourselves just fine!
Shawn – You want me to leave you by yourself with this Zach Morris wannabe?!
Miranda – Shawn just stop it! Ryan is one of my closest friends alright! Just go wait for me somewhere and when I’m ready to leave I’ll just come get you.
Shawn – Alright fine, maybe I’ll find my way back into another one of your teachers pants.
Miranda – Wow Shawn you’re really making this a lot easier to be apart from you right now!
Shawn – Fuck it, I’m out of here. Hope you two have fun remembering year books and notes that were past on in class.
* Shawn walks off, he finds a table and sits down beside some other kid whose alone at the table. *
Ok wait a minute, what just happened here?! Did Miranda and I just switch places of power here?! I’m so confused, before we got here she was all over me wanting me every single second of every single day and now we’re here and she’s wanting to be with this Ryan guy. How is it possible that she can flirt and get her ass grabbed by old boyfriends but the second I talk about a roadie she’s jerking me off like it’s a set of legos and she’s trying to build a rocket ship. God I thought she was crazy before but now, her split personalities has just added one. Let me get these personalities straight, with me she’s a complete psycho whore, when others are around she’s a girlfriend that will do anything for me, now she’s here in high school and apparently she’s this innocent girl whose beloved by her teachers and all the guys in the school. The sad thing is, am I actually jealous right now?! If I am I’ve got to find some sort of drug to counter act this feeling because it’s not very becoming of me.
* Shawn then notices the kid sitting across the table from him. *
Shawn – Dude, do you have any bud or something on you?
Kid – Dude what the fuck?! Hell no!
Shawn – Damn it, what the hell has happened to the youth these days! Apparently the media is blowing this shit out of proportion because I thought I’d be able to find some easy in a high school.
Kid – Are you a cop or something?
Shawn – Hell no! I’m just a guy who needs to get over the embarrassment of sitting here at a high school prom.
Kid – Really?
Shawn – Do I look like a cop?
Kid – No…alright, I actually got some in my bag in my locker. Come on I’ll hook you up.
* Shawn follows the young kid out of the gymnasium and down the hallways of the Los Angeles high school passing numerous lockers as they go. *
Shawn – So, what’s your deal? Where’s your date?
Kid – She….she got sick last minute and couldn’t come.
Shawn – Oh really? Cuz I heard somebody say that everyone in the school came this year.
Kid – She doesn’t go to this school…she goes to the catholic school on the other side of town.
Shawn – Right and I believe about 2% of that story. Then again I can’t possibly fathom a scenario where you could ever possibly get laid so it really knocks that percent down even further to less then zero haha.
Kid – Alright fine! I didn’t have a date alright! What about you? What’s a 30 odd something dude like yourself doing at a high school prom? They ask you to supervise the thing or something?
Shawn – Ok for one I’m 28 NOT 30 and I got dragged here by my girlfriend because she happened to be last years prom queen so she got invited to come back this year.
Kid – Wait a minute? You’re dating Miranda Pettigrew?!
Shawn – Yeah, I know, apparently it’s a big deal.
Kid – Dude I’ve jerked off to her so many times I started to name my left hand Miranda.
Shawn – Flattering, are we almost to your locker or what?
Kid – Yeah we’re almost there. But dude you have no idea how lucky you are. Any guy in this high school would give there left nut to just get half of an inch inside of her.
Holy shit I get it now, I finally understand why she wanted to come here so much. I treat her like shit so much she wanted to come to Prom to feel wanted again. She wanted to feel desired again. Well I suppose I’ll let her enjoy her night of fame and fortune because once this thing is over I’ll be back being the center of attention and she’ll be back being my arm candy instead of the other way around. She can enjoy everyone screaming her name tonight but later tonight she’ll be the one screaming mine.
Kid – Alright dude we’re here.
* The kid opens his locker and pulls out a plastic bag which has 5 blunts already rolled. *
Shawn – You’ve got them already rolled?
Kid – Dude I come to Prom prepared.
* Shawn takes one and smells it. *
Shawn – Whoa, this is good shit. How’d you get this?