One Man Scandal
Shawn Winters

Sense Of Self

<xmp> <body> </xmp> * The scene shows Shawn Winters sitting at a bar on a stool with a short class of scotch in front of him. He seems to be staring at it as if it has some sort of answers. He sighs and leans forward in his stool leaning his elbow on the edge of the bar. There are crowds of people behind him which he oddly enough ignores as he seems to be focused on his drink. He then reaches towards his phone. He searches through some contacts and dials a number. *

“This is Ace Marshall leave your number if you have a vagina.”

* Shawn hangs up and dials another number. *

“This is Ethan I'm busy doing....things.”

* Shawn hangs up again before dialing another number. *

“This is Adam Allocco leave a message if you're important.”

* Shawn clicks a button on his phone before tossing it onto the counter of the bar beside his drink. He sighs before running his hands through his hair. With both elbows resting on the edge of the bar he looks into the mirror behind the bartender at a reflection of himself. *

God...what's left? I'm all alone. I sit here at a bar drinking my scotch with nobody to give me company. Fuck it...who would want to be in my company? I can't lie to myself anymore. I have burned each bridge that I have. Each person I ever considered a friend either has better things to do or will simply ignore me. Ace? Fired. Ethan? He's hurt and doing his own thing. Adam? Shit me and Adam haven't been on the same page in quite some time. Brooke? I nearly punched her, she's off staying at a friends place I'm told. She hasn't returned my calls and why should she? Hannah? HA! Wow...the woman I retarded am I? I mean I have these things lay in my lap. I can get whatever I want yet when I get something that I truly want...I screw it up. I screw everything's too late when I realize that I love my wife. It's too late when I know my career has a deadline. I don't know what to do. Fact is, for the first time in my life I'm regretting who I've become.

* Shawn takes a sip of his scotch before looking himself in the mirror again. *

I've heard the warnings, I've heard the plea's for me to stop. For me to think twice but never have I listened. Because wrestling is my life. Sure I've tried other things like we know how big of a failure that was. I try and defend myself there but what people say is true...I tried to own restaurants and strip clubs only to hire people to run them for me. If it wasn't for wrestling I'd be sitting broke right now. Hannah painted a masterpiece of a picture for me. She came to my house at Brooke's request and laid it all out in front of me. She made me see how much I deeply hate myself and how every single fault of mine has left me with nobody. Never in my entire life have I ever felt so alone.

* Shawn runs his finger around the rim of his glass. *

In the back of my mind I must have always known this would come. I mean I'm not that stupid am I? I guess it's one thing to know something will happen then it is to see it in your own eyes. Is it true? Did I throw my life away for a career as a professional wrestler? My relationship with my father went out the window when I dropped out of college and became a wrestler. I was meant to be a doctor just like him...I threw that away. My brother? That ended when I wanted revenge on the girl I threw my first marriage away for. She killed herself on my brothers wedding day...I...I don't know what to think anymore. I find out that my mother truly loved me at her funeral...something I never realized because of my father's hatred for me. My sister....oh my god....Brooke...what did I do? The only person to actually look up to me as her big brother as her safety guard. I was her everything and what did I do? I threw that away because she wanted what's best for me?!

* Shawn drops his forehead to the edge of the bar with both hands grasping his hair on each sides. He lets go before lifting his head up. * poor Hannah...what I've done to you. Wow...the things I've done to you make me seem so naïve. I ran from you when you were pregnant like I've done time and time before only to discover that everything that you offer is exactly what I want. I want you, I want our daughter, I want a family. But I don't deserve it. I have realized that this is all some sort of test. Some sort of torture. Like Groundhogs day...I'm to relive my life over and over again until I find some sort of reconciliation in it. I sit here alone...with no family left to love friends left to like girls left to screw me. Is this rock bottom? I...I don't know. For the first time I'm not sure of what's going on. My mind says I made the right choice. I went out and I wrestled, I did it. I beat Chad Evans, I got peace in my mind, I defeated Chad Evans. Yet my's telling me something different. Yet I don't know what it is. I try to be excited for the end of Chad only to find my heart weighing 1000 pounds and holding me back. My mind tells me one thing and my heart the other. I'm so confused at what to do.

* Shawn rubs his hair seemingly oblivious to everything that's happening as an attractive girl sits next to him. *

Girl – Wanna buy me a drink?

* Shawn stares deeply into the mirror without knowledge of this girls existence. *

Girl – Want me to buy you a drink?

* She seems confused as Shawn has yet to even acknowledge her. She shakes her head before walking away. Shawn remains in a stare down with the mirror. *

I'm a's what I've always been...yet it seems like God is trying to take it away from me. Doctors have told me time after time that I can't keep doing this but I keep doing it. Is it only a matter of time before I'm...before I'm actually done? The thought refuses to gain weight in my mind until...until recently. Brooke...she tried to prolong my life when I only wanted to prolong my career. Hannah wanted to do the same thing yet despite my undying love for her I threw out the window. I have seen my future yet I can't help myself. I need it, I need my fix because I know that with just one hit I'll be out in front of a sold out crowd doing what I do best and performing. Each and every ticket sold will be remembering the match Shawn Winters had. I'll get this satisfaction knowing that I satisfied thousands maybe millions of people. At what sacrifice though?

* Shawn takes another drink of his scotch as it's finished. The bartender calmly asks if he'd like another. *

Shawn – Sure.

* Another drink is poured as Shawn doesn't move his eyes from the mirror. He takes a quick sip. *

What did I do? I sacrificed my entire life for what? For being the best in wrestling? What did I do? My career can't last forever...I mean I have few years left tops with my back and I went ahead and threw away the 20 plus years of my life away for this?!

* Shawn gets frustrated with himself and takes another drink before sighing. *

I did it...I can't believe it. I've become everything that I've hated. My father made his career his top priority and ignored me. Here I am...having rebelled against him being my own man only to be looking myself in the mirror as my own father. I chose money over family. I did...I chose fame over family. Seeing Alex? It made me realize all my failures. Angie? My high school sweet heart? I got too much into myself to settle down so early. Everything in my second marriage with Nora...ending it on live tv...oh my god...every single bit of it is my fault. What did I do to myself?!

* Shawn seems to be in a panic as he takes a drink of his scotch before placing it back down and placing each hand on the side of his head. *

I look at myself and I'm...I'm...human. As much as I pretend to be some sort of larger than life figure in SCW in reality I'm simply human. I've made mistakes and I've got my faults yet in my own warped mind in SCW as Shawn Winters I'm perfect...the best ever. I've been doing cocaine in order to prolong that feeling. That feeling of being the best...of being able to not feel anything, insults or beatings. I was immune to it all. I was....I was a God. that what Chad was? Is this what I've been fighting for so long? No...I'm different...

* Shawn shakes his head before taking a sip of his scotch. The bar behind him is starting to disappear. *

I'm still me...right? I'm still myself...I'm still Shawn Winters, the boy who grew up in Louisville, Kentucky right? I'm still that boy...I remember my Christmas' and my birthdays'. No...I don't remember them. All I can remember is my fathers distaste for anything I did. Shit...did I turn into this so early? For the longest time I did this in spite of my father. It gave me so much joy. Each time that my career grew larger and larger I threw it in my father's face. Now? I have nothing to brag about. I have realized that the one thing I want isn't inside the SCW ring. It's inside my own heart. I can't believe how I was unable to keep my lives separate. I became infatuated with who I was on television that I completely lost any sort of moral code or value. The fact is that my career as a professional wrestler is already on it's last legs I know this, I'm not stupid...I've just been in denial because without it I'm scared of what I'll become. I have always had the wrestling business as a way to escape everything and actually going out there and doing what I do best...doing what I know I can still do at the highest was my high. I was addicted to it, until it was seemingly being taken away from me so I needed to find a new fix and here I am. Looking myself in a mirror without knowing if this is really me that I'm seeing.

* Shawn takes another sip of his scotch before looking up at the clock. It's 30 minutes until closing time. He shakes his head before looking down. He shortly looks back up and into the mirror. *

For my entire career I have never regretted anything that I've done. All of it seems to have built up to who Shawn Winters is today but my personal life? That's just been a wreck on top of a wreck. I have reached the pinnacle of my profession and I have felt that joy of being on the top on multiple occasions but never have I felt so happy in my personal life. Not at any one of my marriages was I ever as happy as my career has made me. I get married and it's only a matter of time before my flaws and my priorities truly show themselves. I can only fake people for so long on who I am before they see behind the curtain and hate me. It happened with Hannah and just to torture me I feel as though she's the only girl that actually knew me for a bit and didn't run away...I did. I ran away and even after that she agreed to meet with me only for me to blow that and get divorce papers in the mail. Now? Now I've screwed up for possibly the final time. She came to me out of the goodness in her heart trying to save me from myself. Yet I turn her away just like I turn everyone away. The idea of needing help scares me because if I need help it goes to show that I'm not in control. Hell, maybe I'm not but it takes someone tough to point that out to me. Something Brooke tried to do, something Hannah tried to do.

* Shawn rubs his forehead as the bartender walks over to Shawn. *

Bartender – Alright sir, we're closing up. Can I close you out?

* Shawn shakes his head “yes” as she gets on the screen and prints out a ticket. Shawn reaches into his pocket and pulls out a money clip and pulls out a couple twenties and placing them down. He then finishes the rest of his drink before grabbing his jacket and putting it on. Shawn looks in the mirror a final time. *

I am a particular kind of asshole.

* Shawn flips the collar of his jacket up to block the cold winds from his neck. He walks in a single file line of drunk patrons as they all leave the confines of the bar they've called home for the past however many hours. He reaches the outdoor air as it blows past him and the night sky looks empty. Shawn shakes his head as if he can relate before he buttons his jacket and places his hands inside his pockets as he walks past people calling for cabs from the sidewalks. He walks by each one of them oblivious to anything around him as he just walks. He grabs his keys from out of his pocket and the sound of his car unlocking is heard as he now stands in front of it. He stares at it almost as if he's in some sort of trance. He looks down at his keys in hand before the sound of the locking of his car is heard as he puts the keys back in his pocket and turns around extending his hand for a taxi on the sidewalk. Moments later Shawn is dropped off at his home before paying the cab driver. He takes his keys out of his pocket and gets to his front door and unlocks it as his dog Shadow wakes up and gets off the couch to greet him. Shawn pets him softly on the head before tossing his keys onto a stand and taking his jacket off and tossing it over the couch. As he reaches the stairs he's already started undressing beginning with his belt and then his shirt. He gets to his bedroom where he see's the empty bag of cocaine sitting on his nightstand. The very bag that Brooke dumped out. He hasn't gotten a new one instead he's kept this one as a reminder. He sits down on his bed and grabs the bag and tosses it into the trash can. He then lays down on his bed and looking up at the blank ceiling. *

* The camera show Shawn Winters standing in front of an SCW backdrop with a giant smile on his face. He has huge dip in his bottom lip and an empty beer bottle in hand. His smile won't go away. *

Shawn – Well...well well well it seems that the time has come hasn't it? The time of Paper Champions has come to an end. Whether it be Shilo Valiant or Masquerade it has all come crashing down and people can finally look to an actual Champion. A man who had no right losing the title to begin with has finally came back to regain his throne. He has come back to retake what is rightfully his and that is the SCW Heavyweight Championship. But hey...I will stand here and I will give credit where credit is due. I will give you two credit for keeping her warm for me, for putting her to bed every night and for nursing her during her ill time because ladies and gentleman...daddy's home.

* Shawn winks and smiles at the camera. *

Shawn – You see daddy's home to regain what is his and he'll nurse that title back to health and bring it back to it's proper glory that you two idiots have tried your hardest to destroy. I have stood back and I have watched as you two came out with massive celebrations after winning the Championship while I took my attention elsewhere to deal with some personal business. While I was off you two made a mockery of the World Championship, leaving it to be questioned. You see when I was Champion...there was no question. I was the man, I won the Taking Hold of the Flame battle royal and I earned my shot. I earned my shot and I defeated you Shilo right in the center of that ring “1...2...3” without even needing Greaternity to help me out. I beat you on my own true talent, I was credible. People believed in me as the Champion, love me or hate me they knew I was the best. You two? two capitalized on a mistake a referee made by allowing a match to happen that Mr. D openly admits never should of taken place. But instead of restoring the order to it's rightful place he gave Shilo his demented time to shine. So from there on out that belt has meant nothing because Shilo didn't win it, he bullied a referee into helping him steal it. So Shilo I simply want to ask you something.

You talk of flukes and lucky wins in reference to myself and Masquerade. Myself at Rise to Greatness and Masquerade at Body, Heart, and Soul yet you seem to blindly forget how you won the title in the first place. I've just got to ask you, how is your memory? I mean last I saw we defeated you fair and square in that ring. Fluke? fluke. Luck? Luck has nothing to do with it. Instead of coming to terms with the idea of not being the best and blindly labeling yourself entertainer of the year...oh yeah I noticed that Shilo. It must pain you to see me...the man who EARNED that SCW Championship named Superstar of the Year. How that must have burned a hole right in your stomach that you felt you needed to regain the order in your mind. But no Shilo you simply ride your high horse denouncing anyone that has defeated you. It's cute see our little altercation on Breakdown that was fun for me. It's fun to see you spew shit right through your teeth. See you want to try and say that I've lost it? Since when Shilo? Since I have won Taking Hold of the Flame who have I lost to? I have defeated EVERYONE! David Helms, Jake Starr, Shaun Cruze, Chad only blemish is a mistake by a referee. You? Not so lucky. You see the way I see it is this, you label yourself so easily as being the best as being entertainer of the year because you're trying to compensate for the fact that your second title reign meant nothing. It was forgettable. Shall I explain? Let me please, feel free to take some notes on the subject because I'd hate for you to forget it so easily and repeat your same mistakes.

I've noticed that your second title reign was completely overshadowed by somebody. Now if you give me a second I might be able to wrap my brain around who that person is. Oh wait, sorry it was right at the tip of my nose it was me. See don't for a second think that you didn't notice which match went on last at Gang Rulz. That's right, you as World Champion didn't even warrant a main event slot against Katie Steward. Your defense fell on deaf ears as it was myself and Chad Evans main eventing the show over you. Wow, how far you've dropped that title Shilo. Your defense against Ducky? Does that even qualify because last time I checked that match was a mess from the start. Your match with Masquerade at Body, Heart, and Soul? Yeah...they handed you the main event but what did you do with it? You lost it while yours truly stole the show by ending Chad Evans career. So your talk and your bravado just makes me laugh Shilo, congratulations on that you make me laugh. You're a funny guy, because the fact is your ego leaves you blind to your surroundings just like your surroundings were blind to your title reign.

* Shawn laughs a bit while smiling. He then spits into his empty beer bottle before refocusing himself on the camera in front of him. *

Shawn – Speaking of ego' speaking of ego's I have noticed that the one and only Katie Steward has been given yet another chance at the ultimate prize. Yet another chance for her to reach the pinnacle that she has just fallen short on time and time again. Katie I literally stand in awe of you. Every time I see you, every time that I witness you fail it's as if it's a tiny pebble hitting a giant, nothing changes. You still walk your walk as if you're the Queen of the World and nothing has changed. Forget the fact that you can't do the one thing that you've set out to do that doesn't seem to get to you? I mean if it was me? And I failed time and time again at my dream, I'd start to think about getting a new dream but not you Katie. Not you, you are as stubborn as they come and you will keep fighting your way into the picture just to watch yourself fail once more.

Katie I have been with you since the day we were both brought into this company by one Chad Evans...I have seen you become a dominant force in the Woman's division, I have seen you capture the United States Championship and I have seen you get chance after chance at getting the World Championship only to fail. See the thing is Katie in our business we are defined by how we do under pressure. I have gone on to main event two Rise to Greatness' tied for the most in history. I have handled that pressure, I have handled the pressure of being World Champion on three separate occasions. You? I just don't know what it is Katie, you seem to have it all figured out in your own mind but the truth is at one point you've got to start questioning your talent. It's only a matter of time before each failure begins to humble you a little bit. Wow, then again look who I'm talking to. I'm talking to Katie Steward and if there was anybody who could possibly challenge the size of my ego it would be you.

Katie at one point I have referred to you as a friend, a very close friend one that came into this company together but have you seen yourself lately? I mean anybody can stand the sound of your voice for longer than five seconds should be an accomplishment recognized by everyone. What I'm getting at Katie is once, we were friends just like myself and Chad Evans. Do you know what his dream was? His dream was to end my career and do you know what happened? He failed and in turn I ended his. Now I'm sure this comparison isn't lost on you but to save my own ass here let me baby feed it to you. Chad Evans failed going for his dream against me...and he's somebody that's been World Champion before Katie. Your dream of becoming the first female World Champion in SCW history? It's got a large problem and that's me standing in it's way. Not only can I kill your career Katie I can kill your dreams in the snap of my finger. It can all come crashing down and with the way you've hyped yourself up and with your frame, you don't have the strength to hold it up.

* Shawn spits into his bottle again before wiping the residue with his wrist. *

Shawn – And of course speaking of holding things up it brings me to our glorious SCW Heavyweight Champion Masquerade. The continuation of the Paper Championship reign. Handed off from one to the other like I said to Shilo I applaud you for keeping her warm for me however I'm not entirely sure I want her after you. Who knows what kind of creepy stuff you're into.

* Shawn smirks a bit. *

Shawn - Masquerade I get are on cloud nine right now. Not only have you reached the pinnacle of our profession but you defeated Shilo in the process. You must feel completely untouchable. I get it, your entire career seems to be defined by the fact that you just defeated Shilo Valiant...something I know all about as it took me 5 years to defeat Chad Evans. The satisfaction I get out of knowing that I finally did it and ended his career in the process could possess me with a lifetime of happiness. Then to top it all off you won the SCW Championship in the process well I know what that's like too. See when I first won that Championship I thought I was on top of the world and that I was never going to let it go. Well it turned out that my first title reign was rather short lived losing it in my first defense. See you're in the same situation Masquerade. You did it, you accomplished everything so it's easy to become content in the position that you're in. However that's what I did...and I lost focus and next thing you know I lost my title and I was back as the hunter and not the huntee. See Breakdown is built for you to fail Masquerade, truth be told it is. You've got two future Hall of Famers in myself and Katie Steward, you've got Shilo Valiant who you're aware of how hard it is to defeat, then you've got you. A man who quite possibly has reached the highest of the high his career will ever go. Now I'm no psychic I can't tell you where your career will take you but I have been in your shoes and I know the mistakes I made in them. I was in over my head with my first title reign, it wasn't until my second that I really knew that I needed to step my game up and step it up I did as I held it right into Rise to Greatness.

Now I think that you're starting to feel those doubts too Masquerade, your first show as Champion you lost to Katie Steward, doubt has started to creep into the back of your mind and don't you dare tell me that when you saw this match booked you didn't nearly wet your pants. Because I know I would of because I would of known that my days at the top were numbered and would be a very small number at that. My time at the top would be remembered...or not remembered for that matter as brief or irrelevant.

I understand it Masquerade I really do, that weight of the entire company isn't for everyone to hold. Some people just don't have the strength to hold it up. We've seen people fail in the past, people get that belt and immediately get crushed from the weight. You can smile, laugh, and joke and hide behind the curtain but I know that you're scared. You're scared that Shilo is right, that your win was just a fluke, you want to prove to yourself that it wasn't but you're already off to a bad start with Katie. Now? I'm telling you that your chances of proving anything than a paper champion is slim to none. So Masquerade you can have your laughs you can have your jokes and your tricks but let me leave you with a word of advice.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist...I exist and I will take what is rightfully mine.

* Shawn extends his arms practically daring someone to tell him he's wrong. The camera fades to black on Shawn's smiling face. *