One Man Scandal
* The scene opens up inside of a board room at the FX network headquarters. Inside is a massive number of higher ups in the network. The meeting is seemingly underway as the Senior Vice President Michael Brochstein is on front of everyone talking. Right then Shawn Winters the Talent Director walks in clearly late. *
Michael Well thank you for joining us Shawn. It's good to know that you were able to fit this company into your schedule.
Shawn Yeah no problem...go team!
* Shawn takes a seat only to immediately pull out his phone and begin texting which of course catches the VP's eye. *
Michael MR. WINTERS!!! Are you going to pay attention?!
Michael Well you damn well better because this directly affects your future!
Shawn No you listen homozilla! I have a line of gorgeous women just waiting outside of my office waiting to be interviewed for my position which I will have filled by the end of the day. Now I realize that becoming a performer on SCW again puts my position with this network in jeopardy which is why I was able to comply with your request to step down. So if I'm not paying attention to anything that has to do with the future of this network please forgive me because after today I won't be apart of this network outside of giving them ratings! Now, if you don't mind.
* Shawn stands up out of his chair before walking right up next to the VP. He then puts his arm around him. *
Shawn Do you see that girl over there waiting to be interviewed?
* Shawn points through the glass walls of the conference room to a beautiful young girl seemingly right out of college. *
Shawn I'm going to go have sex with her.
* Shawn then slaps him on the chest which results in a cough. Shawn winks before raising his hand to say goodbye to everyone in the conference room. Shawn goes back into his office and shuts the door behind him before sitting down behind his desk. Shawn presses a button on his intercom. *
Shawn Rachel can you please get me the phone number and address to the hotel that the superstars will be staying in for Breakdown this Wednesday?
Rachel Sure thing Mr. Winters, may I ask why?
Shawn Well I figured it being the holidays and all it would be a shame for Greg Cherry to have to spend them alone. So I figured I could buy him a hooker. A Holiday hooker...request one with the least amount of STD's. Those gifts just keep on giving.
Rachel (laughs) Sure thing Mr. Winters. I'll get on that right away. Oh and by the way, you have an Ace Marshall here to see you. I told him to wait until you were finished with your interviews but he seems very adamant in seeing you right away.
Shawn Alright, send him in.
* Ace then walks through the doors to Shawn office and plops himself down on the chair in front of his desk with a smirk on his face. *
Shawn What was so important for you to interrupt my interviewing process?
Ace Long live Greaternity!
* Ace stands up going for a high five only to receive nothing. *
Shawn Sit down guy that still high fives.
* Ace then drops his hand in a disappointed fashion before sitting back down. *
Ace Dude I knew it was only a matter of time before you came back. SCW has been lacking that womanizing, child dream crushing mentality that only Shawn Winters possesses.
Shawn Heh, thanks for the flattering words Ace. Whether or not it was a matter of time or not is besides the point. Apparently not everyone is so happy about my return.
Ace Yeah, did you see what Greg Cherry had to say about you on Twitter? He said that it was about that time of year again when Shawn Winters is in need of a paycheck. Something a long those lines anyways.
Shawn Ha! Last I checked between me and Greg I wasn't the one in need of a paycheck. I mean hell, I got paid a million bucks just to face Jay Gold, imagine what I'm getting paid now to come back in general? SCW knows where it's money is at and Greg Cherry even while Champion was never able to get ratings or sell merchandise. Nobody wants to buy something with his ugly mug it. I mean have you ever noticed the shape of his face? It's like a giant orange haha.
Ace Yeah well, Greg has his apparent gambling problems which has left his wife open for business. I'll show her a full deck of cards if you know what I mean! Haha.
Shawn Ew! No! Why would you want to even touch something that Greg Cherry has had sex with? It's leaving you victim to getting the plague that is Greg Cherry.
Ace True, but I'd be able to say that I had sex with Greg Cherry's wife haha. That's something that could eat away at him for every second of his life.
Shawn True, well if you get that chance you go ahead and take that bullet for me brother because God knows that I'm not going to give her the satisfaction.
* Ace then gets up out of his chair after noticing something on the ledge behind Shawn. He walks over to it and picks up a display case that has a shiny gold ring inside of it. *
Ace Is this...is this a Super Bowl ring?
Shawn Damn right it is, New England Patriots Super Bowl ring from 2002.
Ace How?...Why do you have that?
Shawn Well as hard as it is to believe I wasn't always Shawn Winters famous everything. I used to be Shawn Winters up and coming wrestler. To say the least it's not exactly a babe grabber as you've learned.
Shawn So, I bought myself an exact copy of the Patriots Super Bowl ring and told the girls that I was a Super Bowl Champion. Instant slip and slide baby.
Ace They believed you?
Shawn For one, girls aren't smart, and two, nobody can name half of that Super Bowl team outside of Tom Brady, all I did was say I was a Safety and I was golden.
Ace Can I...
* Ace takes the ring out of it's display case and puts it on. *
Ace Shawn you have no idea how much this is wor...I mean how much ass this is going to get me.
Shawn One ring to rule them all haha. Now get out of here, I've got to find a replacement for my job before the end of the day. We can't have you making a bad impression on any of them otherwise your show could be canceled.
Ace Right, and it's just about to get good too.
Shawn Sure it is. Now get out.
* Ace opens the door to Shawn's office. Shawn gets on the intercom. *
Shawn Rachel, send in the next applicant please.
* As Ace is leaving a girl gets up and passes him only for him to stop her. *
Ace Have you ever seen a Super Bowl ring?
* He smiles at her while brushing his face with his hand making the ring completely visible. *
* Ace slips her his number and leaves only to signal to the girl to call him. The girl steps into Shawn's office closing the door behind her. *
Shawn Let's see that resume.
* Shawn glances over the resume. He then sets it down on his desk before looking at the girl. *
Shawn Alright, I see that your name is Mandi and that you graduated from UCLA.
Mandi Top of my class.
Shawn Not important, what I'm looking for in this interview is more along the lines of nonverbal skills. You need to be able to communicate with me without talking. Not to mention we're also looking for Oral skills.
Mandi So you want me to communicate with you without talking and also talk to you?
Shawn (smirks) Not exactly.
* Right then a buzz is heard over the intercom. *
Rachel Mr. Winters your wife is on line one.
Shawn Tell her I'm not here.
Rachel I've already told her that the previous 4 times she's called.
Shawn Tell her that I have a explosive diarrhea I don't care just get her to leave me alone.
Rachel Yes sir.
Shawn Once again the One Man Scandal is back where he belongs. Once again Shawn Winters has arrived in SCW and once again things remain the same, Greg Cherry is still challenging for the SCW Championship and he is still coming up just a little bit short. Funny thing is, after Gang Rulz you're now able to add another failure to that long list of yours and that's your failure as a husband. Congratulations Greg Cherry, you have no failed at life just like I knew you always would. The countdown has now begun to you becoming addicted to cocaine, meth, pcp, whatever your drug of choice would be, because the fact is, you're addicted to gambling, be a man and be addicted to a real drug you idiot! At least do THAT right! Haha.
The world witnessed the return of Shawn Winters: men threw fits, women climaxed, children asked Santa for the new Shawn Winters gear in hope of getting laid, the heart of the Grinch grew three times it's size. Single handedly Shawn Winters saved Christmas for SCW by making sure that we didn't have to spend our holidays with Greg Cherry as Champion. So to the world I say: you're welcome.
Now, on this soon to come Breakdown will mark the return of Shawn Winters to action. Oh I can't wait, I'm like a little boy on Christmas Eve hoping that Santa brings him that new bicycle I've been asking for. I can't wait for my music to hit and for me to step out onto that stage covered in my diamonds and any other shiny thing that I can find in the back haha and immediately be bombarded with a flood of womens juices as they cum just at the sight of me! Fun fact, did you know that I am the reason for 90 percent of spousal abuse cases? Men see their woman staring at me and just feel obligated to beat them because without me even touching them they get more erotic pleasure then their spouse could ever dream of giving them. True story.
Now this all climatically haha, brings me to my opponent for said Breakdown which might as well be renamed: Shawn Winters Wrestles Somebody Then Nothing Else Worth Watching. But in all seriousness my opponent for my epic return to the ring on Breakdown is some guy by the name of Dylan Cole. Seriously? How can you take a guy seriously with two first names? Grow up Junior. Stop pretending to be Spider-Man in your parents back yard and get the name of a real man you second hand human being.
I mean Dylan Cole, the One Man Revolution? Claiming he makes people stars? Has women that I can only assume he's paid for drinking his kool aid? Wow, I should have this dickqueef arrested for gimmick infringement. Shawn Winters is gone and this guy thinks that he can just step right in and take my place? I know that I'm more addictive than crack but that's supposed to be emphasized by women not some delusional jerkoff named Dylan Cole. The last thing I need is for some young kid going around imitating me at every corner trying to make a pretty dime off of my success.
Now for arguments sake let's say that there are a few people who don't know who Shawn Winters is. So before my epic return these poor underprivileged-uninspired kids are forced to witness Dylan Cole and are forced to believe that Dylan Cole is cool. Now Shawn Winters returns and who are they to say that I'm not ripping off Dylan Cole? (sigh) It's such a sad thought to think about these kids, who clearly are misinformed and underdeveloped, it makes me want to donate to charity for the holiday season. I here by swear at the bottom of my heart that these children who do not know who Shawn Winters is or somehow believe that Dylan Cole is cool, will be brought to the light on Breakdown. I will bring them so much joy that they will consider Santa's presents on Christmas to be a disappointment. I am such a giving person that these children will not only be given the joy of the truth but they will also be given the gift of entertainment, something that Dylan Cole couldn't give an infant.
Now enough of that pretend bullshit because we all know that the entire world knows who Shawn Winters is and not even Helen Keller would find Dylan Cole cool. The fact is DC, nobody even knows who you are! You should be thanking God to be lucky enough to be facing Shawn Winters on Breakdown. You could stand out there like a sack of potatoes and I'd still be able to give you the greatest highlight of your career. Forget about the time that you rushed the stage at a Bon Jovi concert, that time when you shook Erik Estrada's hand, or even that time you got your first kiss from Mallory Simmons in the 5th grade who had mistaken you for somebody else. This moment on Breakdown against me will be your one moment that you can tell your children about. Forget any run of the mill victories you may have gotten in the past, this loss that you're about to take by the hands of Shawn Winters will give you a far better satisfaction. A satisfaction that those twins that you're parading around like supermodels when they're clearly six's at best would have no recollection of.
The truth is dude, you haven't even done enough in this business to make an affect on the hotel receptionists, the easy of the easy. It's like don't blink otherwise you might miss Dylan Cole's television time. I have had more television time in my two appearances on SCW this year than you have had in your entire career. FX knows where the ratings are at, so why put a failure like you on television when they can easily have a ratings monster like Shawn Winters on? We've already heard the fans screaming: We need more Shawn Winters! My popularity could rival that of the cowbell! Your popularity can rival that of a hemorrhoid. Now looking at your body of work I've come to realize that you're nothing more than a talentless nobody with aspirations of stardom. Let's face it Dylan, stars aren't made over night and they're certainly not made by quitters. So just like your previous matches you can mail it in this week too because even if you bother to show up, you're only going to embarrass yourself. If you say that you didn't try you'll at least have that false sense of reality to hold onto. Maybe then while everybody around you will have lost what little respect they had for you, you can pretend that you still have respect for yourself. Superstars aren't made by lazy pieces of shit like yourself Dylan, they're made by time and effort, something that you would know nothing about. So when you're home alone after your career is long over and you're accepting any type of independent booking that you can get, remember this moment, because this moment can either make you or break you and I'm in favor of breaking you.
So in closing, life is the pits and Greg Cherry can't sleep with his wife haha!
* Scene Ends. *