* The scene opens up showing Shawn Winters and his manager Charlie inside the Lakeside mall in New Orleans the site of tomorrow nights Breakdown. They are walking while Charlie has a couple bags in her had and Shawn is on his phone while people are taking pictures of them with their phones. *
Shawn Babe what is it? I've looked at my phone and you've called me four times.
Hannah I just...I need to talk to you.
Shawn Hannah I was home all weekend, you had all weekend to talk to me and you kept saying whatever was bothering you was nothing. You've clearly been worried about something so why don't you just tell me what it is so we can stop playing these little games. These aren't the types of games I like. Unless theirs ropes, chains..
Charlie Hand cuffs. (smiles)
* Shawn covers the mouth of his phone before telling Charlie to shut up. *
Shawn So just spill it.
Hannah I'm probably just over reacting you know? You know how I can get when I have a lot on my plate.
Shawn What do you have on your plate exactly? Last time I checked you're unemployed and married to Shawn Winters. I'm pretty sure your life couldn't be any easier right now.
Hannah Why do you always have to do that? Every chance you get you just belittle be and remind me that I'm living in your house not ours. I wear your clothes not mine. Feed your dog not mine. Everything is all yours Shawn. What's mine? My vagina?
Shawn Nope that's mine too haha.
Hannah You're like a little child who thinks everything is his.
Shawn Wow I must be in the record books then cause no child should be lugging around this third leg in his pants all day. (laughs)
Hannah Everything always comes to the penis.
Shawn That's what she said. OH! That's what you said! Haha.
Hannah (laughs) I swear sometimes I just want to hit you so hard.
Shawn Trust me babe I know. You wouldn't be the first woman to have threatened to hit me and I'm sure you wont be the last.
Hannah I better be the last.
Shawn Oh right forgot the whole marriage thing.
Hannah Alright babe well I have to go Lindsey's here.
Shawn I just love it how every time I'm out working you invite the Shawn hater over to my house. You know I have an inventory of everything in that house.
Hannah Are you suggesting that Lindsey is stealing?!
* Lindsey can be heard in the background. *
Lindsey The only thing I'm stealing from you Shawn is your ego! Somebody's got to get that head to shrink down a little.
Shawn Oh trust me Lindsey you shrink my head enough just thinking about you.
Hannah Oh stop it! I love you.
Shawn Love you too, I'll talk to you later.
Hannah Buh bye.
* Shawn hangs up the phone and shakes his head before looking at Charlie who has a smile on her face. *
Shawn What are you smiling about?
Charlie You're telling me you haven't wanted to have sex with Lindsey at all? She's fat isn't she? A big ol' heffer. A moped?
Shawn A moped?
Charlie Yeah, maybe fun to ride but not something you'll want your friends to see you riding.
Shawn Haha that is classic. Where'd you hear that?
Charlie Some TV show. So what is it Shawn? I don't like to be lead on when there's not a leash involved. (smiles)
Shawn She's not fat sadly. She's just rotten and viscous. I think her vagina might have teeth. Never known a man to have entered and returned to tell the tale.
Charlie Oh kinky. Maybe stick a remote control in there to test it out before risking your penis. Haha.
Shawn What makes you think of this stuff?
Charlie Oh that reminds me, I forgot to DVR The Vagina Monologs.
Shawn Oh Jesus you're like some sort of sex toy that actually talks and might sort of have a form of feelings.
Charlie Oh I feel things just fine. Just certain things that I like to feel more often. (winks)
Shawn Alright seriously, let's play a little game.
Charlie Oh I like games. Am I going to be blind folded? Are we going to play whose in my mouth? I like that game.
Shawn Sort of. Strangers will be involved.
* Charlie starts jumping up and down. *
Charlie I'm wet just thinking about it.
Shawn Haha settle down ya little slut.
Charlie Hey, I like sex. There's nothing wrong with that. Men usually love that about me.
Shawn Oh trust me I'm more than alright with it. However just go with me on this. I have a theory that you won't turn down sex what so ever. Doesn't matter with who.
Charlie (gasp) Shawn! Are you trying to pimp me out?! I'm no whore I don't get paid!
Shawn Sometimes I wonder with all that money you've been spending today.
Charlie Well if that's the case than you mister have ran up quite the tab.
Shawn Do you take credit card? Could swipe right through your vagina or your butt?
* Right then they were passing a mother with a small child who covers his ears. *
Mother Do you mind?! This is a public place with small children!
Charlie You should stay and listen, could learn a thing or two about using that mouth for more than stupid comments.
* The mother gasps before storming off with her son. *
Charlie Women are so retarded. I don't understand why sex has to be so offensive? It's a normal human act just like sailing. If you do it wrong you'll get sick but if you do it right? There's nothing else in the world like it.
Shawn I wouldn't know what it's like to do it wrong. (winks)
Charlie Oh don't get your hopes up, I've had better.
Shawn Yourself doesn't count!
Charlie I'll count whoever I want to count.
Shawn Anyways back to my little experiment. Take a seat.
* Shawn motions towards a fountain ledge where they both sit down. *
Shawn Alright we're going test this out on all these people walking by.
Charlie Oh fun...am I going to have sex?
Charlie Well there better be sex when we get back to the hotel then.
Shawn Don't worry junky you'll get your fix.
* Charlie sticks her tongue out biting it in a flirty way. *
Shawn Alright what about that guy?
* Shawn points to a big black guy. *
Charlie Sure, I'd have to be on top though, I have a fear of being crushed.
Shawn Alright, what do you think about that guy?
* Shawn points to another guy. *
Charlie Eh, I've had better.
Charlie I've had better.
Shawn You know that guy?
Charlie I wouldn't say I know him. Have I had sex with him should have been your question.
Shawn And the answer would have been yes?
Charlie And who says beauty can't come with brains? (winks)
Shawn Heh, this thing isn't just a hat rack.
Charlie Just use it a bit more and you win some more matches. (smiles)
Shawn Oh really? You want to go there? Maybe I should just send you to David Helms room tonight and you can wear him out all night and get me an easy win tomorrow night.
Charlie Oh goodie! Too bad his morals probably go against cheating on his wife. Good thing you don't have such morals.
Shawn (laughs) Yeah, I actually like to live my life, not by somebody elses' definition of life.
Charlie Which is exactly why we make such a good team. You keep supplying the sex and I'll keep...supplying the sex haha.
Shawn You should compete for Miss USA. You could have one hell of a talent portion of the contest.
Charlie It's televised though isn't it? I'd probably have to be censored. It's no fun to have a talent when nobody can see it haha.
Shawn What about her?
* Shawn points to a girl that looks like she's in high school. *
Charlie Are you kidding me? Did you look at her ass? That thing was perky.
Shawn What about her age?
Charlie I'd probably have sex with her father first to get his permission. You know, sign some documents to keep me out of jail.
Shawn Oh my God you are too much!
Charlie I'm hard to take in all at once. THAT'S WHAT HE SAID! BOOM!
* They both start laughing. *
Shawn Alright what about this guy over here?
* Shawn points to a guy whose tossing a penny into the fountain. He has a name tag from the Apple Store that reads: Charlie. *
Charlie Oh god no!
Shawn DING DING DING! We have a winner!
Charlie That's just gross Shawn! I mean come on, I have standards!
Shawn What is it? The name? Yeah I could see it being awkward screaming your own name during sex.
Charlie Psh I do that anyways. I like to appreciate my good work.
Shawn Haha right. So what is it about that guy that makes him unfuckable?
Charlie Just look at him. He's wearing skinny jeans. He has a shirt on that looks like it's two sizes too small. He's clearly balding and not in a Bruce Willis sexy kind of balding either. This is like Grandpa comb over type balding. Plus look at his beard? It's all patchy. There's nothing more unattractive than a guy who can't grow a beard.
Shawn Wow...you do have your standards Charlie I was wrong.
* Shawn gets up and walks over the guy before patting him on the back. *
Shawn Congratulations you my friend are considered to be unfuckable.
* Charlie hops up and runs over to Shawn with a smile on her face as they laugh while leaving the guy to wonder what the hell just happened and to probably hate himself. *
Charlie That was mean you know?
Charlie Telling him that he's unfuckable.
Shawn Well maybe by me telling him that he'll change and become semi-fuckable?
Charlie Doubt it, he'll probably just go home and jerk of to pictures of me on the internet.
Shawn Really? What makes you think he'll find pictures of you on the internet?
* Charlie just looks at Shawn with a smile. *
Shawn Right, I should of known you've been photographed naked.
Charlie Oh not just naked.
Shawn Oh my god I'm having sex with a porn star.
Charlie I wouldn't say star, but I had a couple scenes. (laughs)
Shawn Did somebody deliver you a meat lovers pizza?
Charlie Oh come on Shawn, you know me better than that! I'm not going to give it up to some pizza guy that has his dick in the box! It was in some popcorn in a movie theater.
Shawn Right, I forgot you like your cocks buttery not greasy.
Charlie I can't change what I like.
* Charlie starts jumping around again grabbing Shawn's arm. *
Charlie All this talk about sex has gotten me horny. That sex you promised me? Yeah I'm cashing that in. To the hotel room!
* Charlie sticks her arm and finger out pointing towards the direction of their hotel room. *
Shawn Your wet dream is my command.
* They walks off as the scene fades. *
* A camera shot of shower inside of a hotel room. The water is so hot that it has fogged up the mirror and the glass of the shower. There is then a woman's voice heard. *
Charlie I'm Ravyn, I like to be emo and break into peoples bathrooms and video tape people taking showers. I'm Ravyn who if I had a smaller brain would of chosen an even less entertaining person to follow around than David Helms.
* Charlie turns the hand held video camera to her face. *
Charlie Nope, I'm Charlie and I've actually chose to video tape somebody entertaining. (smiles)
* Focuses camera back on the shower. *
Charlie Oh Shawn, do you even know that you have an audience? Does Superman even know that he has a cape on when he's flying? Does he even notice that he does that weird fist forward thing? Does Batman know that his cape doesn't make him fly? Does random super heroes that get compared to David Helms get a bit annoying?
* Charlie turns the camera to get a look at her face. *
Charlie You're damn right it does.
* She focuses back onto the shower. *
Charlie You see if there is indeed a superhero in SCW it's sure as hell not David Helms. What's his super power anyways? His ability to get fans hopes up only to let them down constantly? Greg Cherry has that super power too. Not that impressive. What about his ability to beat Jake Starr for the SCW Championship? Nope, I know of a guy who ran Jake Starr out of the company. If you want to talk about an actual super hero then there is clearly only one man that can be mentioned.
* Right then the water shuts off from the shower and out steps Shawn Winters who wraps a towel around his waist while he's dripping from head to toe. *
Charlie And that's DUH DUH DUH...Shawn Winters!
Shawn What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to make some sort of porno tape that'll eventually be released and the cause of a divorce from my wife? I'm not CHBK, so don't think that I'm an idiot.
* Shawn pushes the camera away as Charlie jumps on the bed with it still focusing on Shawn Winters. *
Charlie Shawn Winters...the man who has the super powers of strength, speed, charisma. The man who has the ability to create diamonds out of coal. The man who can single handedly make Christy Matthews a house hold name. Shawn Winters, the man, the myth, the legend...the super hero!
Shawn You've got that right. You want to talk about super heroes? David Helms? Really? Ravyn wants to compare you to Superman and Batman? Wow, grow up and get into this century. The entire world knows that Superman and Batman have lost there luster. If you're a Superman or Batman than I must be an Iron Man! I'm Iron Man in more ways than one if you know what I mean?