One Man Scandal
Shawn Winters

Reality TV

* The scene opens up showing Shawn Winters and his manager Charlie inside the Lakeside mall in New Orleans the site of tomorrow nights Breakdown. They are walking while Charlie has a couple bags in her had and Shawn is on his phone while people are taking pictures of them with their phones. *

Shawn – Babe what is it? I've looked at my phone and you've called me four times.

Hannah – I just...I need to talk to you.

Shawn – Hannah I was home all weekend, you had all weekend to talk to me and you kept saying whatever was bothering you was nothing. You've clearly been worried about something so why don't you just tell me what it is so we can stop playing these little games. These aren't the types of games I like. Unless theirs ropes, chains..

Charlie – Hand cuffs. (smiles)

* Shawn covers the mouth of his phone before telling Charlie to shut up. *

Shawn – So just spill it.

Hannah – I'm probably just over reacting you know? You know how I can get when I have a lot on my plate.

Shawn – What do you have on your plate exactly? Last time I checked you're unemployed and married to Shawn Winters. I'm pretty sure your life couldn't be any easier right now.

Hannah – Why do you always have to do that? Every chance you get you just belittle be and remind me that I'm living in your house not ours. I wear your clothes not mine. Feed your dog not mine. Everything is all yours Shawn. What's mine? My vagina?

Shawn – Nope that's mine too haha.

Hannah – You're like a little child who thinks everything is his.

Shawn – Wow I must be in the record books then cause no child should be lugging around this third leg in his pants all day. (laughs)

Hannah – Everything always comes to the penis.

Shawn – That's what she said. OH! That's what you said! Haha.

Hannah – (laughs) I swear sometimes I just want to hit you so hard.

Shawn – Trust me babe I know. You wouldn't be the first woman to have threatened to hit me and I'm sure you wont be the last.

Hannah – I better be the last.

Shawn – Oh right forgot the whole marriage thing.

Hannah – Alright babe well I have to go Lindsey's here.

Shawn – I just love it how every time I'm out working you invite the Shawn hater over to my house. You know I have an inventory of everything in that house.

Hannah – Are you suggesting that Lindsey is stealing?!

* Lindsey can be heard in the background. *

Lindsey – The only thing I'm stealing from you Shawn is your ego! Somebody's got to get that head to shrink down a little.

Shawn – Oh trust me Lindsey you shrink my head enough just thinking about you.

Hannah – Oh stop it! I love you.

Shawn – Love you too, I'll talk to you later.

Hannah – Buh bye.

* Shawn hangs up the phone and shakes his head before looking at Charlie who has a smile on her face. *

Shawn – What are you smiling about?

Charlie – You're telling me you haven't wanted to have sex with Lindsey at all? She's fat isn't she? A big ol' heffer. A moped?

Shawn – A moped?

Charlie – Yeah, maybe fun to ride but not something you'll want your friends to see you riding.

Shawn – Haha that is classic. Where'd you hear that?

Charlie – Some TV show. So what is it Shawn? I don't like to be lead on when there's not a leash involved. (smiles)

Shawn – She's not fat sadly. She's just rotten and viscous. I think her vagina might have teeth. Never known a man to have entered and returned to tell the tale.

Charlie – Oh kinky. Maybe stick a remote control in there to test it out before risking your penis. Haha.

Shawn – What makes you think of this stuff?

Charlie – Oh that reminds me, I forgot to DVR “The Vagina Monologs”.

Shawn – Oh Jesus you're like some sort of sex toy that actually talks and might sort of have a form of feelings.

Charlie – Oh I feel things just fine. Just certain things that I like to feel more often. (winks)

Shawn – Alright seriously, let's play a little game.

Charlie – Oh I like games. Am I going to be blind folded? Are we going to play whose in my mouth? I like that game.

Shawn – Sort of. Strangers will be involved.

* Charlie starts jumping up and down. *

Charlie – I'm wet just thinking about it.

Shawn – Haha settle down ya little slut.

Charlie – Hey, I like sex. There's nothing wrong with that. Men usually love that about me.

Shawn – Oh trust me I'm more than alright with it. However just go with me on this. I have a theory that you won't turn down sex what so ever. Doesn't matter with who.

Charlie – (gasp) Shawn! Are you trying to pimp me out?! I'm no whore I don't get paid!

Shawn – Sometimes I wonder with all that money you've been spending today.

Charlie – Well if that's the case than you mister have ran up quite the tab.

Shawn – Do you take credit card? Could swipe right through your vagina or your butt?

* Right then they were passing a mother with a small child who covers his ears. *

Mother – Do you mind?! This is a public place with small children!

Charlie – You should stay and listen, could learn a thing or two about using that mouth for more than stupid comments.

* The mother gasps before storming off with her son. *

Charlie – Women are so retarded. I don't understand why sex has to be so offensive? It's a normal human act just like sailing. If you do it wrong you'll get sick but if you do it right? There's nothing else in the world like it.

Shawn – I wouldn't know what it's like to do it wrong. (winks)

Charlie – Oh don't get your hopes up, I've had better.

Shawn – Yourself doesn't count!

Charlie – I'll count whoever I want to count.

Shawn – Anyways back to my little experiment. Take a seat.

* Shawn motions towards a fountain ledge where they both sit down. *

Shawn – Alright we're going test this out on all these people walking by.

Charlie – Oh I going to have sex?

Shawn – No.

Charlie – Well there better be sex when we get back to the hotel then.

Shawn – Don't worry junky you'll get your fix.

* Charlie sticks her tongue out biting it in a flirty way. *

Shawn – Alright what about that guy?

* Shawn points to a big black guy. *

Charlie – Sure, I'd have to be on top though, I have a fear of being crushed.

Shawn – Alright, what do you think about that guy?

* Shawn points to another guy. *

Charlie – Eh, I've had better.

Shawn – What?

Charlie – I've had better.

Shawn – You know that guy?

Charlie – I wouldn't say I know him. Have I had sex with him should have been your question.

Shawn – And the answer would have been “yes”?

Charlie – And who says beauty can't come with brains? (winks)

Shawn – Heh, this thing isn't just a hat rack.

Charlie – Just use it a bit more and you win some more matches. (smiles)

Shawn – Oh really? You want to go there? Maybe I should just send you to David Helms room tonight and you can wear him out all night and get me an easy win tomorrow night.

Charlie – Oh goodie! Too bad his morals probably go against cheating on his wife. Good thing you don't have such morals.

Shawn – (laughs) Yeah, I actually like to live my life, not by somebody elses' definition of life.

Charlie – Which is exactly why we make such a good team. You keep supplying the sex and I'll keep...supplying the sex haha.

Shawn – You should compete for Miss USA. You could have one hell of a talent portion of the contest.

Charlie – It's televised though isn't it? I'd probably have to be censored. It's no fun to have a talent when nobody can see it haha.

Shawn – What about her?

* Shawn points to a girl that looks like she's in high school. *

Charlie – Are you kidding me? Did you look at her ass? That thing was perky.

Shawn – What about her age?

Charlie – I'd probably have sex with her father first to get his permission. You know, sign some documents to keep me out of jail.

Shawn – Oh my God you are too much!

Charlie – I'm hard to take in all at once. THAT'S WHAT HE SAID! BOOM!

* They both start laughing. *

Shawn – Alright what about this guy over here?

* Shawn points to a guy whose tossing a penny into the fountain. He has a name tag from the Apple Store that reads: “Charlie”. *

Charlie – Oh god no!

Shawn – DING DING DING! We have a winner!

Charlie – That's just gross Shawn! I mean come on, I have standards!

Shawn – What is it? The name? Yeah I could see it being awkward screaming your own name during sex.

Charlie – Psh I do that anyways. I like to appreciate my good work.

Shawn – Haha right. So what is it about that guy that makes him unfuckable?

Charlie – Just look at him. He's wearing skinny jeans. He has a shirt on that looks like it's two sizes too small. He's clearly balding and not in a Bruce Willis sexy kind of balding either. This is like Grandpa comb over type balding. Plus look at his beard? It's all patchy. There's nothing more unattractive than a guy who can't grow a beard.

Shawn – do have your standards Charlie I was wrong.

* Shawn gets up and walks over the guy before patting him on the back. *

Shawn – Congratulations you my friend are considered to be unfuckable.

* Charlie hops up and runs over to Shawn with a smile on her face as they laugh while leaving the guy to wonder what the hell just happened and to probably hate himself. *

Charlie – That was mean you know?

Shawn – What?

Charlie – Telling him that he's unfuckable.

Shawn – Well maybe by me telling him that he'll change and become semi-fuckable?

Charlie – Doubt it, he'll probably just go home and jerk of to pictures of me on the internet.

Shawn – Really? What makes you think he'll find pictures of you on the internet?

* Charlie just looks at Shawn with a smile. *

Shawn – Right, I should of known you've been photographed naked.

Charlie – Oh not just naked.

Shawn – Oh my god I'm having sex with a porn star.

Charlie – I wouldn't say star, but I had a couple scenes. (laughs)

Shawn – Did somebody deliver you a meat lovers pizza?

Charlie – Oh come on Shawn, you know me better than that! I'm not going to give it up to some pizza guy that has his dick in the box! It was in some popcorn in a movie theater.

Shawn – Right, I forgot you like your cocks buttery not greasy.

Charlie – I can't change what I like.

* Charlie starts jumping around again grabbing Shawn's arm. *

Charlie – All this talk about sex has gotten me horny. That sex you promised me? Yeah I'm cashing that in. To the hotel room!

* Charlie sticks her arm and finger out pointing towards the direction of their hotel room. *

Shawn – Your wet dream is my command.

* They walks off as the scene fades. *

* A camera shot of shower inside of a hotel room. The water is so hot that it has fogged up the mirror and the glass of the shower. There is then a woman's voice heard. *

Charlie – I'm Ravyn, I like to be emo and break into peoples bathrooms and video tape people taking showers. I'm Ravyn who if I had a smaller brain would of chosen an even less entertaining person to follow around than David Helms.

* Charlie turns the hand held video camera to her face. *

Charlie – Nope, I'm Charlie and I've actually chose to video tape somebody entertaining. (smiles)

* Focuses camera back on the shower. *

Charlie – Oh Shawn, do you even know that you have an audience? Does Superman even know that he has a cape on when he's flying? Does he even notice that he does that weird fist forward thing? Does Batman know that his cape doesn't make him fly? Does random super heroes that get compared to David Helms get a bit annoying?

* Charlie turns the camera to get a look at her face. *

Charlie – You're damn right it does.

* She focuses back onto the shower. *

Charlie – You see if there is indeed a superhero in SCW it's sure as hell not David Helms. What's his super power anyways? His ability to get fans hopes up only to let them down constantly? Greg Cherry has that super power too. Not that impressive. What about his ability to beat Jake Starr for the SCW Championship? Nope, I know of a guy who ran Jake Starr out of the company. If you want to talk about an actual super hero then there is clearly only one man that can be mentioned.

* Right then the water shuts off from the shower and out steps Shawn Winters who wraps a towel around his waist while he's dripping from head to toe. *

Charlie – And that's DUH DUH DUH...Shawn Winters!

Shawn – What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to make some sort of porno tape that'll eventually be released and the cause of a divorce from my wife? I'm not CHBK, so don't think that I'm an idiot.

* Shawn pushes the camera away as Charlie jumps on the bed with it still focusing on Shawn Winters. *

Charlie – Shawn Winters...the man who has the super powers of strength, speed, charisma. The man who has the ability to create diamonds out of coal. The man who can single handedly make Christy Matthews a house hold name. Shawn Winters, the man, the myth, the legend...the super hero!

Shawn – You've got that right. You want to talk about super heroes? David Helms? Really? Ravyn wants to compare you to Superman and Batman? Wow, grow up and get into this century. The entire world knows that Superman and Batman have lost there luster. If you're a Superman or Batman than I must be an Iron Man! I'm Iron Man in more ways than one if you know what I mean?

* Shawn does a little crotch chop. *

Shawn – lost your little mystique the moment you lost the World Championship to Greg Cherry. That aura around you has shrank to the size of your penis. Oh wait, I'm sorry I forgot that was the only thing that Ravyn didn't get a shot of when she decided to create the worlds worst reality television show. Let's face it...the Kardashian's lives are more interesting than David Helms'. For whatever reason Ravyn chose you to be her little puppet, her little side show freak, her own personal Real World. Only problem is, the cast is down right awful. I mean come on, what was with that baby? It was like he wasn't even aware he was on camera! Come on baby, give us a little drool or a cute fart or something. Giggle a little bit don't just stare at the camera like it's a new toy. I swear David...your own offspring sure didn't fall to far from the tree did he? He's already got your charming personality, your ugly mug, and I'm pretty sure I saw a cigarette in his crib. Kids these days picking up habits early.

Charlie – Oh Shawn I don't know if this is such a good idea. Making fun of a guys family? Don't you think like that's going a bit too far? (laughs)

Shawn – Oh you're right Charlie. I keep forgetting that fact you know when all I've done is make lives miserable for those around me. Isn't it my fault that Greg Cherry isn't with his family? Yeah, I guess you could probably put that blame on me however thanks to one David Helms it looks as though they might be reuniting in the near future. Well that is of course unless Ashley has found a bigger cherry to pop her. (winks) The point is're no super hero like Ravyn is trying to make you out to be. Now sure, you may have a secret identity that she seems to be implying. What was that catchy song she played for you on Ammo? “Fake It” by Seether? Yeah I'm pretty sure that was it. Fake it? Is that what you're doing? Faking it? Being a hypocrite? Ya see that right there really is a pet peeve of mine. I'm open to people being who they want to be but the moment they become hypocrites? Oh now that's just down right unacceptable. I see a lot of Asher Hayes in you David. Asher was a man riddled with his own drug problems he actually thought that he was saved. Saved from temptation and on the path to righteousness as the fans that he so elegantly hated on with his herpes infested girlfriend Rachel Foxx began to love him. They applauded each and every one of his efforts until he became this giant hypocrite. The same thing is happening to you David. You're listening to much to the people and you're trying to be something that you're not. You're no super hero, you're no role model, no child is going to be with pictures of you on their under wear. (laughs) Well if they are then that's a completely different issue but you see my point. I think Ravyn hit it right on the head on are a fake.

Your time spent as SCW Champion somehow keeps you from seeing reality for what it truly is. You've prided yourself on competition and hard work and effort when the truth is you're not better than anyone else. If you saw a way to weasel yourself into another title reign you'd take it just like you'd take another puff off of your cigarette. You're lying to yourself by saying your above all of that because you're not. You're just to proud to admit it. You're to proud to let down each and everyone of your fans because they look up to you for inspiration. Say your prayers, take your vitamins, drink your milk, and eat your vegetables! Tell me how to be just like you David Helms PLEASE! Save me from my life of wrong and get me a one way ticket towards the life of David Helms! (smiles)

Don't you see? Don't you see how ridiculous this sounds? My god...I must be the worst type of person to you aren't I? A man that seemingly lives and dies by rules looking at a man like me who could throw two craps to the wind at anybody's rules. I refuse to be tied down by societies expectations of a man let alone a human being. Then there's David Helms the poster child for what's right in the world. I'm honestly surprised it wasn't you that killed Osama Bin Laden I really am. Because the way everybody is drinking your kool aid is sure as hell seems like you've done something similar to have deserved it. That's the thing about you that really pisses me off Helms. You haven't deserved it. You may have created something in that brain of yours to register that you're deserving of such praise but the truth is you're not. Just like Ravyn has shown you, just like I'm telling you right now, nothing is more pathetic than a hypocrite!

* Charlie than moves the camera back to her face. *

Charlie – Did you hear that? Now this, this is reality television. This is what people want to see. Not some emo geriatric banging slut following around a wanna be rock star as he pretends to live a life of an 80's metal band. This right here...this is real. David Helms could take a lesson from this. Be real for once.

* Shawn grabs the camera and focuses it on himself. *

Shawn – Charlie has a point Helms. Be real. Be real with the fans, be an open book, let them into your life like they let you into theirs. Are you too good to share parts of your life with your fans? Ya see there you go again thinking that you're just so much better than the rest of us. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not associating myself with those asinine piss ants out there watching at home but you get my point Helms. You're a man bound by his own ambitions. Bound by his rules. Bound by his aspirations of giving the crowd what the want. Well I say fuck the crowd and fuck you. You heard me David. I'm hoping little Jason isn't watching this right now because language will be the next thing he picks up after your chain smoking. I'm exactly your opposite Helms. I am exactly everything that you're afraid to be. Your misery will be my happiness. Watching Ravyn just completely get into your head has be a treat it really has because nobody likes misery and pain and making someone elses life a living hell like Shawn Winters. You may ask me why I take joy in such things well to tell you the truth I can't really tell you because just like you, I like to keep things personal. (winks)

* Charlie moves the camera back to her. *

Charlie – Oh and trust me the best part is when Shawn gets personal all over my face.

* Shawn grabs the camera. *

Shawn – Whoa whoa Charlie there could be children watching. We don't want to offend anyone that could be going to the church of David Helms now would we?

Charlie – But you said Fuck!

Shawn – I'm a man, I can say whatever I want. You're a woman who probably isn't even listened to by 99% of the people watching this. Your job is to lay back and stick your boobs out, you're good at that. OW!

* The camera jerks back as Charlie has kicked Shawn. She grabs it and focuses it on Shawn once more. *

Shawn – So listen up Helms. Go ahead and preach your bullshit all you want because quite frankly eventually everyone is going to stop listening. Then you'll be all alone in your hypocrite life wondering where in the hell it all went wrong. It all went wrong when you started lying to yourself Helms. Now on Breakdown, I'm going to bring you one step closer to being humbled. When I defeat you, you'll realize that it's not you whose better than everyone else. It's everyone else that's better than you.

* Shawn smirks before clicking the off switch on the camera. *