One Man Scandal Shawn Winters So Jealous Armageddon has finally arrived. Alright let's be honest here, it came and went by already and I'm still here. March 12th 2011 the day that Shawn Winters life became half way complete. If this was a golf course I'd be on the back 9. If it was a football game it'd be halftime. If it was a soccer match...who knows nobody watches soccer. It's the end of an era. I'm no longer a kid, I'm....a man. Oh god, I can just see it now, people referring to me as old. Ugh it makes me want to vomit just thinking about it. Am I still going to be able to go out and party like I'm back in Greaternity? Because to be honest, those days shouldn't have to end just because I'm 30 and married. I can still go out and party can't I? Well as long as it's alright with my wife I suppose. Ugh, hell maybe nobody noticed that I turned 30. Yeah, I doubt anybody really noticed. Hell it's not like there was a big number on my birthday cake during my party. Whenever I was asked I was lucky enough to sidestep the question. I mean it's not like I'm CHBK and on life support. I'm still at the top of my game performance wise. I can still go out to that ring and wrestle circles around anybody that tries to step up against me. Psh yeah, I don't know what I was so worried about. My life isn't over...well...not yet... * The scene opens up with Shawn Winters sitting at his kitchen table in his Los Angeles home. He's got a notebook out with a pin seemingly thinking before writing something down every few seconds. Right then Shawn's wife Hannah walks into the room and sits beside him with her hand placed on his forearm. * Hannah – Babe what are you doing? Shawn – I'm writing a bucket list. Hannah – Oh my god, you can't be serious! Shawn, you're not going to die! Shawn – You don't know that! My life is practically half way over and I'm sorry if I actually want to enjoy the last few years that I may have. Hannah – You make it seem like 30 years from now is tomorrow! Shawn – Well I was also being generous with the whole half over thing, it could be 80% over for all I know! Guys like me don't tend to have long lives. Not to mention that psycho killer is still at large! Hannah – He sent you a letter, I don't think that qualifies as being “at large”. Shawn – Well when some person threatens to kill you let me know what the proper term would be to use. Hannah – Alright whatever, I'll go ahead and entertain this idea for the moment, what have you got? Shawn – What have I got? Hannah – On your bucket list, what have you came up with? Shawn – Ya know stuff like: Host Saturday Night Live, Walk on Water, Climb a Mountain, Have Sex with Sasha Drachewych, Ha- Hannah – Excuse me?! Shawn – What? Hannah – Pretty sure have sex with someone was listed in there. Shawn – I'M DYING!!! Hannah – Damn it Shawn you're NOT DYING!!! Shawn – That attitude sure as hell isn't going to stop me from having sex with Sasha! Hannah – Shawn... Shawn – Hannah...death is very serious, you need to accept my needs. Who knows, accomplishing certain things on this list could keep me alive longer. Hannah – No. Shawn – Your mouth says no but your eyes said yes. Hannah – Isn't that the motto for Raper's R Us? Shawn – Heh, imagine if that was a store... Hannah – Please don't... Shawn – Walk in and see the desperation in all those girls eyes haha. * Hannah punches Shawn in the arm. * Shawn – Your right, your right, rape isn't funny. Hannah – Thank you...now what else do you have on there? Shawn – Buy a Penguin, Name said Penguin Cobblepot, Witness a Mugging, Drop a Kitty off a Building to see if it Lands on it's Feet...ya know stuff like that. Hannah – You want to kill a cat? Shawn – Kitty. Hannah – Isn't it the same thing? Shawn – A kitty is a baby cat. Hannah – Oh that makes it all better. Shawn – They have no souls. Plus it'll have a 50 percent chance of landing on it's feet so those are great odds. Hannah – No! It'll die! Shawn – Only 50 percent of the time! Hannah – You are horrible! Why not something like, I don't know...ride something bigger than a horse? Shawn – Heh...already done that, you apparently have never been a guy in college. Hannah – Oh ew! Shawn – No pride night! Hannah – Just ew! How about something nice like...make a difference in somebody's life? Shawn – Already did that...married you. Hannah – No! Seriously, donate some money to a needy family. Shawn – I'm already donating enough money to you! You're like five needy families rolled into one. I mean have you gotten a job yet? Hannah – I have a concert this weekend! Hopefully I'll get discovered! Shawn – Ya know what, I'm just going to finish this later. We've got to go and meet with the police department and make sure it's alright with them for me to leave the country for Breakdown. Hannah – Right, I forgot about that. How much longer are you on probation? Shawn – Till the end of the summer. I'm just not allowed to leave the country but if it's for my job I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get a pass. While we're there we can check to see if they have anymore leads about my killer. Hannah – Do you think he'll let you leave? Shawn – I would think so. Ya see the same laws don't really apply to famous people Hannah. Technically you're not even supposed to leave the state when you're on probation but look at guys like me and Mike Vick. We are allowed to leave the state because it's part of our job. The system has a thing about preventing you from earning a paycheck so by not going to Sydney it's risking me a paycheck. Now even though I don't need it it's the principle of the matter. So let's get this over with. * The scene fades out. * * The next scene opens up showing Shawn Winters and his wife Hannah waiting inside the sheriff departments office. * Hannah – Ya know, I don't know if I want you to go to Australia. Shawn – Why is that? Hannah – This Katie Steward chick you told me about...I google'd her. I can't figure out whether I like her or not. Shawn – Not many women do. Hannah – No it's not that, it's just...well you two have known each other for a long time. Shawn – For better or worse. Hannah – What's to stop me from worrying that she's going to try and steal you from me? Shawn – What?! Hannah – Ya know... Shawn – I didn't know you were the jealous type. Hannah – I don't like to be but...come on, a girl would be stupid to not let something like this cross her mind. You'll be in Australia with an attractive girl as your tag team partner while your wife sits at home all alone. Shawn – Wow Hannah... Hannah – Just hear me out. Say you two win your match and she jumps on you and one thing leads to another and next thing you know, she trips, you fall and your penis lands in her vagina. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Shawn – Babe! Oh my god, you obviously don't watch SCW. Hannah – You know I don't want to watch you get hurt! It's just best that I distance myself from it! Shawn – You honestly think that me and Katie are going to just hook up right after our match? Hannah – Can you honestly tell me that it's not a possibility? Shawn – DUH! I can honestly only think of one guy that Katie has ever been with and I'm pretty sure that was a publicity stunt. The last thing Katie is going to want out of a guy is somebody whose going to over shadow her. Plus last I knew she's still kind of pissed that I hooked up with her sister Jessica. Hannah – You had sex with her sister? Shawn – Oh yeah...all the time a long time ago. For all I know Katie could kick me right in the nuts the moment I walk out to the ring. Hannah – Oh...yeah I'd hate you if you had sex with my sister too. Shawn – So see...you've got nothing to worry about. Hannah – But...why would she hate you for having sex with her sister if she didn't want you for herself? Shawn – You don't understand that family... Hannah – I don't? Shawn – Nobody does Hannah...they honestly need to be opened up and dissected for science. * The secretary who is filing some papers picks up her phone and looks directly at Shawn. * Secretary – Sheriff Pettigrew will see you now. Shawn – Thanks. This is going to be fun. There is always that possibility that he's going to deny my request for Breakdown simply because I banged his daughter. It's always that awkward moment when we great each other, do we pretend like it never happened or do we just let that giant elephant in the room out? To him I corrupted his baby girl and to be honest I can't blame him for hating me. He always believed that Miranda was the biggest angel in the world only for her to call him drunk off her ass one night when I managed to get her into a bar underage. That bar lost their liquor license really quick. Can't just serve the Sheriff's underage daughter alcohol and get away with it. Well...I guess I can only stand here outside his door a few more seconds before he starts to wonder what the fuck I'm doing...so here goes nothing. * Shawn opens the door to the Sheriff's office while doing a light knock on the window. The Sheriff extends his hand motioning for Shawn to sit down Shawn does as follows. * Sheriff – So...Shawn, what do I owe this pleasant visit? Back to check to see if me and my wife popped out another daughter for you to destroy? Well there goes the idea of us ignoring Miranda. Shawn – No sir... I've never been the type of guy to call anyone sir but in this type of situation I feel it's best. The guy carries a gun, hates me, and may be responsible for catching my would be killer, sir is the least I can do. Shawn – I'm actually here to request permission to leave the country. Sheriff – What?! Why on earth would we let you leave the country? You're still on probation from your drug charges a couple years ago. Shawn – Trust me sir I'm aware, but as you may have noticed, I have done a lot of community service, just recently as a month ago where I talked to the students at the high school just up the road... Sheriff – Miranda's high school? What the hell is wrong with you?! A freshman in college was getting too old for you?! Pretty soon we'll have statutory rape on your record. Shawn – Sir, I was there teaching the kids the effects of drug abuse. I wasn't there to hit on any girls. Sheriff – So you're telling me that you didn't hit on any girls in that high school? Last Month Shawn – Alright....uh....raise your hands if you're 18. * About an 8th of the auditorium raises their hands. * Shawn – 18 and female... * Half of them drop their hands. Shawn then spots a cute girl in the front row with her hand raised and points to her. * Shawn – Do you have a car? * She shakes her head yes. * Shawn – Would you like to drive me home? * She smiles and blushes while shaking her head yes. * Shawn – Alright, I've got one problem solved. Shawn – No sir. What was I supposed to say? Sorry sir, I'm defenseless against a mini skirt on a young hottie? I'd prefer to NOT go back to jail. Sheriff – Alright well then please, explain to me why you need to leave the country? Shawn – As you know I am a superstar for SCW and currently SCW is going on a tour in which I'm scheduled to compete in a tag team match on Breakdown. Sheriff – Where exactly is this tour headed? Shawn – Australia...Sydney to be exact. Sheriff – Sydney? Shawn – Yeah... Sheriff – Australia? Shawn – Um...yeah...ya know, with the kangaroo's? Sheriff – I know what Australia is! Shawn – Sorry... Sheriff – So you want us to let you leave the country to compete for SCW on Breakdown in Sydney? Shawn – I would appreciate that very much yes, I wouldn't want to miss out on a paycheck sir. Sheriff – (sighs) Alright, this is what's going to happen. You'll be allowed to go to Sydney on one condition. Shawn – I'm all ears. Sheriff – I want you to admit that you corrupted my daughter and it was because of you that she got into trouble and it was you who tried to take away my little girl! Alright here we go... Shawn – You're right sir, Miranda is a wonderful young girl and my bad actions may have rubbed off on her. My condolences go out to you for what I did. Miranda never should have gotten involved with me and I should have been old and wise enough to never allow it to have happened. I do apologize. Heh, I'm such an awesome liar. Sheriff – Bullshit! DAMN IT! Sheriff – You don't take account for jack shit and don't you dare tell me different. So listen, this is what's going to happen. When you land in Sydney you are to check DIRECTLY into the police office there at the air port. From there you will give them any information that they need, where you are staying at, where you will be performing at, and any other activities that you may require. Are we clear? Shawn – Yes sir... Sheriff – Alright, I'll call ahead and make sure that everything is taken care of. Now, if you don't mind I'm a very busy man. Shawn – I can see that, thank you sir. * Shawn gets up to his feet and grabs the door handle only to turn back to the Sheriff. * Shawn – One quick question, have you any new leads on the person threatening my life? * The Sheriff looks up from his paper work and just gives a blank stare to Shawn. Shawn nods his head. * Shawn – Didn't think so. * Shawn walks out the door and rejoins Hannah. * Hannah – So, how'd it go? Shawn – I'm high fiving kangaroo's already. Hannah – So you can go? Shawn – Well I can't exactly high five a kangaroo here can I? Hannah – You could go to a zoo. Shawn – Not the point! Let's go. * Right as Shawn and Hannah walk out the front door a blast from Shawn's past is walking towards him. * OH FUCK!!! Miranda – Wow, if it isn't Shawn Winters. The guy who disappeared on me for over a year. Shawn – Yeah...it's kind of a thing called jail Miranda. Ya know, the other thing people use handcuffs for. Miranda – That's right, you went to prison...how silly of me to have forgotten that. What were the charges again? Neglecting your loving girlfriend? Shawn – Cute...that's cute really. Maybe, just maybe if you dialed down the crazy just a nitch I would have called you when I got out of prison. Miranda – Oh well that wouldn't have been necessary because you this here? This is my boyfriend Seth, he plays for the USC Trojans basketball team. Seth – Sup! Shawn – Heh, USC basketball huh? Hows the March Madness? Haha, what happened you couldn't get on the football team? * Miranda looks insulted. * Shawn – This here is my wife...she's not you. Hannah – Hi! * Miranda's mouth just hits the ground in shock. * Shawn – Now see that right there is what I loved about you. (smirks) * Shawn and Hannah head to their car. Hannah gets in the drivers seat as Shawn goes around to get into the passenger side before Miranda pushes him against the trunk of the car and starts kissing him intensely. * Miranda – Shawn I'm sorry! (kiss) Seth doesn't mean anything to me! (kiss) We could be together! (kiss) She should be me Shawn, she should be me! (kiss) I love you Shawn! Tell me you love me too! * Right then Hannah throws the door open and runs after Miranda who quickly retreats into her fathers Sheriff's office. * Hannah – What the hell?! Shawn – I...I told you that bitch was crazy. Hannah – Next time I see her that pretty little mouth of hers that you liked so much will be swallowing my boot! Shawn – You are so hot right now haha. Hannah – Just get in the car. * Right then Miranda pops her head out the front door and yells. * Miranda – CALL ME!!! * Hannah flips her head backwards and throws a rock as Miranda once again retreats back inside. * * The camera clicks on revealing Shawn Winters walking down a hallway in what looks to be his Los Angeles home. He is tossing a small red ball back and forth from hand to hand. He then stops at a picture that's hanging up on the wall. It's a picture of Explicit Content's arrival in SCW many years ago. He turns to the camera. * Shawn – Birthdays come and go yet I can't help but feel like I'm stranded in the past. Whether it's deja vu with people like Vampira trying to make a name for themselves off of me or it's tagging with Katie Steward. Look where we are Katie, once again standing side by side just like the old days of Explicit Content. We really raised hell in SCW didn't we? Ah the memories, they're all just rushing before my eyes right now. Gay riots, beat downs, we pretty much did it all didn't we? Or was that just me? Ya see the thing is, I went on from that Katie and I became the SCW World Champion...twice and now look at me? Once again teaming up with you to take on a couple chicks who don't know the difference between a blow job and a blow dryer. I'd be lying if I said I was excited about this match Katie but you know what, I'm going to go through with it thanks to my good ol' friends at the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department. So Katie, what I have to say to you is this, the past is the past, whatever has gone on between you and me in the past I'm going to just go ahead and let my maid sweep it under the rug haha. We're going to have a fresh start come Breakdown and the last thing you're going to want to do is let me down in said fresh start. I'm cleared to be at Breakdown so you know I'm going to show up...I'm just hoping it's the “Queen of Queen's” that shows up and not Gigi who you've so graciously deferred opportunities to. * Shawn continues to walk as the camera follows him into the kitchen where he jumps up onto the counter like a child. He then begins to chuckle. * Shawn – Doesn't anybody have a sense of humor anymore? You'd think that I killed Jesus on Breakdown or something with all the negative feedback that I've gotten. I mean I was just having a little fun on Breakdown and what happens? Some guy named Pete Ebdon decides he wants to come out and cost me my match with Hallucigen...what gives?! Can't you take a joke?! Oh, is suicide not funny? (smirks) Your right it's actually quite sad...quite sad that somebody has to have somebody else fight their battles for them. Way to step up for Infamous Pete...way to go. You have just gone to show the entire world that you could never compare to what Greaternity was. I reinvented the stable game with Greaternity and you have just spit on that golden path that I left in front of you with this little group of a grandpa and his granddaughters. You all are so terrifying I'm practically shaking in my boots and pissing down my leg as we speak. (rolls his eyes) Pete, if I offended Christy in some way let her fail at getting revenge on her own, just like she failed at the SCW Championship and ending her life! * Shawn tosses the ball off to the side. * Shawn – Speaking of...Christy Matthews...your really the rock of Infamous aren't you? I mean the one that stands strong? Doesn't let anything get under her skin? Well that is unless you're a knife haha. You have got to be the most physically and mentally weak person on this roster. I mean seriously? Cutting yourself after losing in your bid to become SCW Champion? Greg Cherry didn't even try to kill himself after he lost his family and here you are with such a weak state of mind to think that this was the last straw? Forget the fact that you're as attractive as a moose, that's not worth killing yourself over...but oh my god that SCW Championship...it's a belt Christy. Are you that fat that you need such a massive belt to hold your fat ass pants up? I mean wow Christy, I really underestimated you. Some may say that you have too much passion for the business that you couldn't handle failure. Christy I am grateful to know that you're not Champion because if you were you'd of tried killing yourself time and time over from the pressure. The weight of the company can't be on the shoulders of a girl whose too quick to grab the knife. You are such an under achiever! No no...I'm not talking about the fact that you lost, I'm talking about the fact that you failed in your bid to kill yourself! Epic fail twice in one night! I mean you're not even good enough to kill yourself right. Did you cut across the street because movie's always do that which is incorrect. Ya see this is what you want to do. * Shawn hops down and grabs a knife from his kitchen drawer. * Shawn – Now you see this? This is a butter knife, not going to work either, especially if it's upside down. Now this here? This is a steak knife, it's got ridges which could be effective but also VERY messy. Then you've got this massive kitchen knife, sharp, smooth, ya know kinda like the ones that Michael Myers uses...now this would make a nice clean cut, that is as long as you cut down the road like so. * Shawn does a cutting motion starting at his wrist going up to his elbow. * Shawn – But you see Christy, it's so pointless for people like me to know this stuff because what would I do with this knowledge? Unlike you, I love my life! I guess your little plea to become the next Dove soap spokes person won't go through because you're clearly not “comfortable in your own skin.” (smirks) * Shawn tosses the knife back into the drawer. * Shawn – Now listen, you can sit there and wallow in this self pity just like a person of Greg Cherry's stature would do. Or you can go and do something about this! Take that knife and finish what you started! How dare you leave a job unfinished! Is that how your father raised you? A quitter?! If I was your father I'd stick that knife right back into your hands and I'd tell you to go into that bathroom and do the job right! Haha. Save your breath people I know I'm a complete asshole with a black heart and the ability to care for possibly a pea. So you can go ahead and keep your opinions and judgements towards me to yourselves because I'm completely happy and content with who I am. Unlike any person listening to this promo out there, I'm better than all of you in every which way. I mean how many of you have a multi-million dollar mansion? * Shawn extends his arms as the camera pans out revealing more of his home. * Shawn – Exactly, unless Donald Trump is watching this right now none of you have this. None of you have my life, Christy Matthews included. So what I'm trying to get at here Christy is this. If you wanted to kill yourself so bad then, compare that to how much you're going to want to kill yourself when you're in the ring and compared to me? Eh? It's kind of like an ant hill compared to a mountain, you're going to hate yourself even more. So do us all a favor and save us all the displeasure of seeing your nasty fat ass or your massive forehead that happens to have eyes a nose and lips under it and just end it already. Trust me, it's not doing you a favor it's doing humanity one. * Shawn then begins to walk around his house as the camera begins to follow him. * Shawn – Wow...I mean aren't you just (mocking a girl voice) “SO TOTALLY JEALOUS?!” Heh...yes Syren in case you're to retarded to recognize, I'm making fun of you. I mean it's not everyday that I get to sit here and make reference to such a brilliant mind like yourself and even try to figure out what could possibly go on it. Heh, you've got the intelligence of my ex-girlfriend Miranda. Well now, I shouldn't say that because she clearly has a thing for me so she's done something right. Now I'll be honest Syren I'd think about it. Oh, you know what I'm talking about. I'd think about you and me possibly going one on one in a more intimate setting, however it's just not to be. Here I am, (shows ring on his finger) a married man. I'm not like CHBK who throws away his entire life in order to have a fling with Ravyn, don't you two know each other? I always seem to get girls making horrible decisions confused with one another. (smirks) Ya see I'm not going to throw away a wife that I love in order to have a one night stand with a girl like you, because the truth is, you're a dime a dozen. I've had sex with you a million times over in the past so looking at you right now, it's like been there done that, didn't get the herpes. You talk about people being “so totally jealous” of you, what exactly do you have to be jealous of? I just went over this talking about Christy, my life is fucking perfect. What exactly do you have? Boobs, other girls have boobs. A vagina? Other girls have a vagina. Blonde hair? Other girls have blonde hair. A banging body? Other girls have banging bodies. You're clearly just taking advantage of the stigma in the world today where fat ass girls are looking to these super models that are air brushed to begin with and tries to be just like them. Wow Syren, really? You want to encourage these fat girls to get thin? Is that what you want? Flaunt your ass in front of these fat lardy ass fat fat fat girls hoping that they take notice and drop their Big Mac and pick up a celery stick? Heh, you've got to realize Syren, we need our fat chicks. YOU need fat chicks because without these fat chicks whose left to make you look good?! Hahahaha! * Shawn begins to jump around like a little kid laughing at what he just said. * Shawn – (catching his breath) You're the typical girl who surrounds herself with her fat friends in order to make herself look like a 10. You've got to stand next to a 3 in order to make your 7 add up to a 10. It's simple mathematics. I mean honestly Syren, I would just love to be a fly on your wall when you look in the mirror every morning. Go ahead and take that as a compliment because I'm sure you're going to take that as me wanting to spy on you in your bedroom but whatever, take it like you want. What I'm trying to get at is this, when you look at yourself in the mirror in the mornings do you like yourself? Just curious to know if you honestly feel like you're better than anybody else. You seem to hold yourself to this higher pedestal but for what? Because you're a woman? Last I checked you haven't done anything in SCW for anybody to be envious or jealous of. I mean compare your career to my partner Katie Stewards. We're going to compare it to hers because comparing it to mine would be unfair, I'm a two time SCW Heavyweight Champion so yeah, be jealous of that. Katie Steward has held the Womans title on how many occasions? Five? Yeah I think so, compared to your lousy two. She has held the SCW US Championship on how many occasions? Twice. You? You've held the Tag Team titles once, congrats on that worthless feet. Katie Steward is a four time SCW Female of the Year, what are you? A one time SCW Female of the Year? If this was a court case Syren you'd have been thrown behind bars by now for fraud. The facts don't lie Syren...you can sing your little song all you want but those facts hold truth over you like a glass ceiling. You're going up against the best SCW has to offer in the One Man Scandal Shawn Winters so the chances of you busting through that glass ceiling is less than none. So sit back, tell people to “be jealous” but just know the only time I'll be jealous of you is when I've got you on your back, because I'll never know what it's like to have the one and only Shawn Winters on top of me. (smirks) * Shawn winks at the camera as it fades to black. *